


Nothing Lasts Forever

by Potatehoe



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Don't Try This At Home, F/F, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Love, hear that kids?, it's a mothafucking slowburn fic, slowburn, so sit down and put your seatbelts on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:48:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7099771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potatehoe/pseuds/Potatehoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So do right people with wrong timing ever get a second try?</p><p>There is nothing worse than meeting the perfect person at the wrong time. The timing in which people enter your life is very important.</p><p> </p><p>Or: That fanfic where Camila is a famous writer and she writes stories inspired by Lauren. But of course its not all that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It’s a long story - Camila

**Author's Note:**

> AU. The plot is that Camila is a famous writer and read to find out… I suck at describing things I’m so sorry. And also Camila is 27 here and Lauren is 28. x
> 
> This is a list of some songs where I drew inspiration while writing this chapter and if you’d like to listen, here it is. :) Seriously please give them a listen they’re all so good.  
> 1\. The Other by Lauve  
> 2\. What Should I Do by Jaymes Young  
> 3\. Boston by Augustana  
> 4\. Hit The Ground by Justin Bieber  
> 5\. My Heart Will Wait by Joe Brooks  
> 6\. Surrender by Natalie Taylo  
> 7\. Green Eyes by Joe Brooks  
> 8\. fallingforyou by The 1975  
> 9\. Obvious Bicycle by Vampire  
> 10\. Still Into You by Paramore  
> 11\. Habits Of My Heart by Jaymes Young

 

> _“The moon loves the sun so much_
> 
> _The moon gets its light from the sun_
> 
> _The moon can’t shine without the sun_
> 
> _You’re my sun_
> 
> _So I shine.”_

* * *

 

_Camila's Point of View_

Its pouring heavy rain this afternoon in the streets of Miami, I can clearly hear the sound of the rain and thunder against the glass of the car window on my way towards Barnes and Noble, clutching the book I have written for almost ten years.

I was wondering why I haven't finished this for such a long time. I was hoping that there might have been a different ending for this story, for us. I realized that I have waited for so long. Maybe it's just a wishful thinking, but I think ten years has been long enough for me to realize something...

If you will ask me if there is a formula for success, you must know that you've got to endure a lot of heartbreak more than gaining the love you think you deserve. So basically, every story I have ever written goes like this... I become happier than what I should be and then the universe decides to make my life miserable than what I have already been before, because I don't know... maybe I didn't deserve to be happy... the take-me-to-the-clouds kind of happy. It all equalizes in the end because there is no such thing as forever. Not that I'm aware of.

"We're here."

A voice spoke beside me. I turned to see Ally's excited face, pointing towards the crowded bookstore. We got out of the car just before things got messier, being escorted by the mall's security team. I heard my name being called multiple times. The fans were screaming and everything is so overwhelming. I guess the one year hiatus from writing made them so ecstatic about this latest book I've released.

There were about hundreds of people lining up to get their copies signed. This is kind of admirable since it's been hours and the weather is not cooperative at the moment. A blonde guy stood in the front and guided the both of us to a cordoned area where we sat. He announced my arrival which made all of the people to turn towards me, awaiting what I have to say. After a few minutes, I walked towards the podium to start this. Every eye in the room was staring right at me. I took a deep breath and said the first word that entered my mind.

"Thanks."

They were confused mainly because of my sudden and short introduction. Ally looked at me like a lost puppy, mouthing if I am alright. Of course I am. It's the first time in ten years that I'll be back in Miami. I have no reason to feel scared.

Someone from the audience cleared his throat which made me continue what I have to say.

"Of What-If's and Should have's is a book that I've written for ten years, which is why I consider this my most personal work yet."

Murmurs and confused looks were shared and a glee of excitement were evident amongst the listeners.

"I think that most of you are aware of that fact, because for years of pent-up frustration, at last this will be released for the whole world to read. I'm sorry that it took me so long but I am waiting for something to happen before ending this book..."

There were a series of gasps in the room.

"Every artist has that one work that reflects the most on their personal life. Releasing this book implies that I am done waiting for something to happen. I have thought hard about this. I hope you have a good read. So thanks... for waiting. Thanks for staying."

I ended the speech abruptly and went back to my seat. Ally gave me a warm embrace and we started the signing. I am in the middle of signing a copy while absentmindedly making small talks with an avid reader until I heard a particular question all the way from the back of the room.

"K.C. Cabello! What is your biggest What if?!"

I stood up from my seat trying to get a glimpse of the person who asked me that particular question. "Pardon?"

"What is your biggest What if?" I heard it much clearer this time.

I thought to myself about the word 'what if?' but all I can ever think of is a pair of beautiful emerald eyes that I've loved years ago.

I don't think I ever will forget. And I don't want to, simple as that. Forgetting her is like trying to know somebody I have never even met and that would be impossible. She left me and that broke my entire being, but I won't regret loving her. No regrets. None.

"You're question is wrong." I said, the young teen who asked me and all the people listening gave me a confused look.

"My biggest 'what if?' is not a 'what' but rather a 'who.'" I told them sadly.

It didn't take a second for everyone in the room to know who I was talking about, after all, I've only been in a relationship once. It's everything I never knew I ever wanted. But all good things always come to an end, and you wish that it won't but it did anyway.  _Why did she have to go?_

I continued the signing as if everything is fine, like I am not affected at all by that question, like it doesn't plague my thoughts everyday ever since she left.

After the signing we gather round so I can start the book reading.

"So, to continue this program, I'm going to read the first chapter of the book and it's up to you to continue." I took a deep breath and said the words on the pages out loud.

**_If you believed that we both belong to each other's arms why did you let me go?_ **

* * *

_Flashback_

_7 years ago_

_I did not expect that this is the day that everything will go wrong. I was aware that we've got problems but I just didn't realize that this will be how things will end. We are seated at the corner table of the coffee shop that we always go to. I handed out her usual and took a sip on mine. We lounged around for a while in silence then out of nowhere she muttered._

_"I want it back."_

_Wait. What? I am confused. I immediately sit up straight on the couch I was previously laying on. Looking over at her, she's looking down at her cup messing up the artwork on her coffee._

_"What are you saying Lo?"_

_"I want it back." Lauren said indicating the ring in my finger. She's still not looking at me._

_"Why?" I said, drawing in a deep shaky breath fighting off the emotion bubbling up in my voice. The urge to cry is almost overwhelming, but I fight it tooth and nail. I won't cry. At least not right now. Not with all these people around._

_She looked me in the eye, her beautiful emerald eyes that I can look at forever and I saw nothing in them. I immediately look away. I can look at her eyes for a long time and it still wouldn't be enough for me, but right now, I can't stand to look at her because I know that it will always haunt me. She's devoid of any emotion, usually I will know what she's feeling and thinking about whenever I look into her eyes but right now, I have no clue. I decided to observe her for a bit, taking my time, her whole demeanor is slump and I know now. She's tired. But why? And tired of what? Me?_

_I don't know what to say._

_"My grandma's ring... give it back." Lauren said again shakily, taking me out my thoughts._

_We are both silent for a minute, but it feels like a lifetime. With all these noises in the background I find it hard to believe that the silence is so loud that I'm going deaf._

_I really don't know what to say._

_Seeing that I am not relenting, Lauren gently held my hand across the table rubbing her thumbs in them, then proceeded to take off slowly the ring she gave me. She's still looking at my hand, which is shaking, where a simple ring with a significant meaning she gave me used to be, lost in thought she kissed my hand and walked away. Not looking back._

_That's it. 3 years down the drain. But I just can't let her do that. I immediately got up on my seat then proceeded to follow her outside while I called out to her, many times, getting louder by each call, I was sure that I got the attention of all the people in the café, but I don't care._

_I tried to run after her, but she's already inside a black car driving away. I noticed that it's raining, perfect. It was raining the first time I saw her. Now that she left, I guess the sky poured on out all the sadness in it to me, giving me its sympathy._

_I was left looking at the blurry silhouette of the car she's in. She didn't even look back at me. Not even once._

_I laughed, not in a sort of 'I am laughing because I find something funny' but more of 'I am laughing to hide the fact that I want to die right here, right now.' a laugh full of pain. It's kind of ironic actually. I can't do anything now._

_So I walked with no particular destination in mind, with no sense of direction. I'm lost without her. I walked while the rain is pouring down on me with my head cast downwards. I can't breathe, I'm a mess and I don't know what to do. I must've been a sight to see. The first time I saw her, she took my breath away and somehow I am able to breathe at the same time. But this, this is different. It's the complete opposite. I am able to breathe fine, but it feels like I'm running out of air._

_I looked up at the sky, letting the rain fall in my face to hide the fact that I am crying. All I see is a hollow grey space. I wish that it could swallow me through._

_That's it. She's gone. And I let her get away. I could've done something more, but I just let her. If she doesn't want me anymore I'll set her free._

_I'm just hoping that one day, maybe one day, she'll come back to me._

_And we didn't talk after that._

_End of Flashback_

* * *

_It was either too late in the night or too early in the morning, the young woman by the large glass window overlooking the nightlights of Miami didn't care. She's in her room pacing around with a cup of tea in hand._

I couldn't sleep. I can't. Fucking. Sleep. I tried, but I couldn't even get a wink in my comfortable bed. I have decided earlier that drinking some tea and tiring myself out would get me to sleep eventually. That was two hours ago, my tea's gone cold and my feet are sore, but I still can't sleep.

_Nice._

I decided to sit down for a bit to rest my legs.

Lost in my own thoughts I contemplate things. I hate this. Just when I thought that I'm finally over her... then BAM everything comes back to me, much stronger than before, if that's even possible.

Maybe it's because of the fact that I'm back here in Miami and every memories I've spent with her keeps running through my head. My mind is reeling, I can't believe this. It's been 7 years, why can't I just get over her? Why can't I just find someone new?

_Why is it so easy for her to cut all ties with me as if we never happened?_

I know I did something wrong, maybe it’s too complicated for the both of us and holding on to  a destructive relationship hurts more than letting go.

I was starting out to be a writer at that time and later on became well-known for the books I've written and I consider this as a huge accomplishment because not many 20 year olds can do that. My first book 'You and I Both' that I've written when I was 17 took a great hit and later on became a movie which won numerous awards and soon followed by my other works. What some people don't know is that some things that I've written in my books happened in real life.

 It happened to me.

All things are best told when one experienced it after all.

Four weeks. I thought to myself, four weeks before I leave this place again. Then all will be like before.

* * *

_Continuation of Flashback_

_It was one week later that I found out about Chris. Why didn’t she tell me? And it doesn’t add up if that’s the reason why she left me._

_I am sitting alone on the couch staring blankly at the screen of the television switching through channels trying to get myself to fall asleep, until I heard a familiar name out of the tv._

_“- is one of the children of Mr. Jauregui is reported to be dead along with some other companions due to hypothermia after getting involved in a skiing accident, it is reported that the cable car they’re in were stranded due to the unexpected blizzard that went through that day. Rescue teams have been immediately dispatched but due to inclement weather, equipment and mode of transportations failing to function due to the cold front, all attempts of rescue have failed. The Jauregui’s are reported to be on their way back to host a private ceremony in honor of the passed Chris Jauregui. As of now there are no official statement released from any of the family members and we offer condolences to the family. Up next feud between-“_

_I turned off the tv after that, I don’t know what to do. I want to call her, to check on her, to go there and hug her, comfort her. Anything, just to cheer her up. But I can’t do that, she changed her phone number and I don’t have the money to go to her._

_I decided to go back to my room and try hard not to think if that’s the reason why she left me or if I’m still allowed to go to the funeral._

_I cried myself to sleep that night, and for the first time in the week I don’t know the reason. Is it because of Chris’s death or because of Lauren again?_

_I have no idea._

_-_

Two Weeks Later

_It's almost midnight so my parents and sister are probably sleeping already. I’m still haunted by my thoughts but I’m getting there._

_When she left, I have no idea what to do. So I just continued what I always do, and that is to write. My friends and family keep asking me if I am alright and I told them I'm okay even though it's obvious that I'm not. Being 'okay' is not the same as being happy. Okay is a word that you say when you don't feel happy at all, but you don't want someone you love to feel the same way, because of you. That's why I don't like talking about what I'm feeling or thinking about because I've gotten so used to locking everything away, to locking myself up. To minimize the damage I cause to everyone else. I guess you could say it's kind of like a guilt. I've already got it weighing me down already._

_After being with someone for a long time, it's hard to imagine what life would be like without them. After we've familiarized ourselves with someone for awhile, it's hard to readjust back to the way things were before we met them. After talking to the same person everyday about nothing and everything for a long period of time, it's hard to get used to not having a conversation with them anymore. After being around the same person all the time for a good length of time, it's hard to get used to not seeing them stand beside you anymore. After sharing so many memories with someone special, it's hard to move forward with your life and act like all of it never happened. After loving someone for as long as you can remember, it's hard to try to get over those feelings and act like they aren't there. I guess that's why it's hard to move on from someone after they've been a part of our lives for so long._

_I was brought out of my thoughts when my mother brushed off a lone tear running down my face. I didn't realize that I am crying until my mom wiped off a few more tears. I immediately pulled away from her. Trying and failing miserably to hide the fact that I have been crying. It’s no use though, so I just glared up at the ceiling in an attempt to stop my tears._

_"Mila, it's okay to cry, you know. I understand." She said gently._

_I wanted to ask my mom if it's all worth it. The pain that comes with heartbreak. I wanted to know if I'll ever forget about my first love. About Lauren. But I already know that I won't forget. I can't. I kept on trying to make it go away but how do you kill a feeling?_

_"I'm fine. Really mom." I said instead._

_"I know you're not." She said then pulled me into a tight hug._

_And that's when I can't hold it back anymore, I broke down in her embrace._

_"I need to forget mom, I need to get over her. But I won't be able to do that if everywhere I go and whatever I do reminds me of the things we used to do." I told my mom as I got out of her embrace looking directly at her eyes._

_"What are you planning to do?" My mom questioned._

_"I'm moving to Boston. I need to start a new life. I need to be alone for a while. I need to find myself again." I told her the decision I’ve made just this morning after thinking about it for days._

_"Are you sure about this Mila? I don't want you to do this if you haven't thought about this thoroughly. Don't rush into things." My mom said._

_It's fitting really, I'm leaving the land of beautiful sunrise and sunsets to a place full of snow; I'm tired of the sun and hot weather, I need to feel numb from all the warmth she gave me. Some snow would be nice._

_"I have thought about this ma, I have taken everything into consideration and I have decided that this, is for the best. For me and for her." I replied almost instantly._

_"If you say so, it's okay Mila and don't feel like you are abandoning us. Because it will never be a goodbye okay? We're a family. And family comes first. I am willing to help you settle down there if you want me to." My mom told me._

_"It's okay mom, really, I'll talk to Ally about the arrangements, I'll just move my office location to Boston." I told my mom giving her some assurance that I can do this. After all, the main headquarters of the publishing company I'm working with is located there._

_My mom pulled me again into a tight hug silently telling me through her embrace to keep it together and that she's okay with it. A few minutes have passed and she pulled away, she tucked my hair that is covering my face behind my ears and kissed my forehead._

_"We'll miss you mija. You can visit us anytime you want okay? Don't forget that we love you. Always."_

_End of Flashback_

* * *

I was pulled out of my thoughts when the sunlight shining through the window of the hotel room I am currently staying in reach my eyes. I didn't notice that its morning already. I looked over the table reaching for my cup of tea, I noticed that it has gone cold already. No point in drinking it anymore.

It had been ten years. Ten years since I met her, seven years since she left me. In times like this, in times where I am alone and I was left with my own thoughts, I wonder what she's doing. I wonder if she's still doing her usual morning routine, where she wakes up at six preparing herself for a jog, after that she'll take a quick shower then we'll go to our usual breakfast house sitting on our usual corner table before heading over to our respective classes.

I remember when we first met, well, I didn't immediately notice her. She told me that we're in the same Spanish class.

* * *

 

_Flashback_

_First Meeting_

_First year college 2 nd semester_

_I was on my way out of that boring lecture hall and I wanted to get out of here fast because I don't know how I'll get myself through another series of discussion that I already know, not that I am putting it in other people's faces because I don't want to come off as some high and mighty 'I know better than you' person. I just took it because I need a minor subject to complete my units and it's easy for me to study something I know about, plus I certainly wouldn't mind having a good record on my grades without crying or working myself off to study this or that. I am on my way out of the building when I noticed that it's raining heavily outside._

_"Perfect!" I exclaimed out loud to no one in particular, running my hand through my hair in frustration. I am not prepared for this, I haven't brought anything to keep me dry from the rain. I decided to just fuck it and run towards my dorm, I am too hungry for this shit. I don't care if I'm soaked by the time I get there._

_But before I could go out of the lecture building, someone gently tapped then tugged on my shoulder and made me face them. I was immediately met by a beautiful green eyes that I could get myself lost into. Shit. I shook my head, blinking rapidly, trying to focus. I remembered that the beautiful person in front of me pulled me so fast to face her, I'm surprised I didn't have any whiplash. What's she trying to do? I don't want to die. I looked at the green eyed attacker while stepping away, giving some distance between us._

_"I don't want to die. I'm too young for this. I'll give you everything, anything, just please don't kill me." I said to the woman in front of me who just gave me an amused look before laughing out loud._

_Shit. Oh my God, help me. She laughed in a way that made me both want to smile and rip my heart out simultaneously._

_"If you haven't noticed yet, there are other people around to witness the crime and I am also a student here. We're classmates actually, in our Spanish class." She said to me still smiling from what I've said earlier. Her smile, her fucking gorgeous smile, it makes my chest quake and my lungs shrink but feel refreshed all in one notion. I'm running out of breath and am able to breathe at the same time. Holy shit, I'm really fucked._

_"Oh, good to know, I've seen my life flash before my eyes for a second when you pulled me there." I said while trying to play it cool but in reality I'm breaking a sweat and I just hope she won't notice because I definitely wouldn't admit it to her, "And since when? I haven't seen you around." There is no way I'll miss her pretty face if she is my classmate, I think... my mind is always up in the clouds in that class, not completely though. I looked over the rain again, forcing my gaze to be anywhere but hers. Her eyes. Her piercing green eyes, it feels like she's staring right through me, right at my soul. It's still pouring madly. Fuck me. I need to get away from here, from her, before I catch any feelings towards the woman beside me. We just met for the love of God! And I don't even know her name!_

_"I've been attending that class since the beginning of the semester actually." She said now looking over at the rain too._

_I looked at her incredulously "Seriously?!" I'm incredibly surprised because midterms is almost over._

_"Yup." She said popping the 'p'._

_"Oh well, I always zone out on that class so I don't know what's going on half of the time. Sorry about that." I told her, while laughing it up._

_"I've noticed, you sleep a lot actually." She said to me then her eyes widen when she realized what she just said._

_Wait. Hold up. What does she mean by that?_

_"Are you insinuating that I'm a lazy ass?" I asked her raising my eyebrows in amusement._

_Blinking away the surprise, "NO! It's just, um... it's just that you look like you slept not just long ago."_

_"Oh? Is there something on my face?" I asked her while fixing my hair and checking if there's some drool at the corner of my mouth. I found nothing._

_"There's nothing, I'm just messing with you." She said to me while chuckling, a little bit nervous if you think about it._

_For a few moments, nothing is said between us. We're both looking at the rain outside waiting for a sign that it will stop so we can begin our way towards our respective dorm rooms._

_"Um... I better go. Really." I awkwardly said, adjusting my glasses which slipped away to the bridge of my nose; noticing that the lenses are getting foggy, I removed them and put it in my bag._

_I've noticed that it got too quiet except from the sound of heavy rain so I looked around noticing that there only a few people around us now. I decided to look over the green eyed lady again noticing that she's looking at me, her eyes widen when I caught her staring. I don't know what to say so I just smiled at her._

_"I'm sorry but I have to go." I told her again, giving her a wave as a sign of goodbye while turning around, continuing my path earlier. Before I could get another step though she called out to me._

_"Wait! I... um..." she stuttered out._

_I almost sighed out loud. I just want to go home, eat pizza in peace, and get away from here to avoid catching feelings towards you. Please let me be._

_But nevertheless, I turned towards her again, cocking my head to the side and raising my eyebrows asking her my silent question, all the while messing with the strap of my shoulder bag. She didn't say anything for a moment, she looked down at her shoes with furrowed eyebrows, balling her feet. I waited for a bit, but she seemed lost in her own thoughts._

_"Hey, if you don't mind. I really need to go, it was nice meeting you though." I told her honestly while backing away from her. I really need to go before I do something stupid, like back her against the wall and kiss her or whatever. I don't even know her name, yet here I am thinking inappropriate thoughts about her. And pizza would be nice, real nice._

_"Wait! Um... I'm sorry... It's just... here..." she stuttered out then proceeded to hand out a green umbrella. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, why is she giving me this? Won't she be needing it?_

_"Thank you, seriously, but I don't want to trouble you or anything. I'm sure you'll need this." I said while giving her a smile, my heart warming up because of how thoughtful she is._

_"That's no problem really. I'll just run towards my apartment, it's not that far from here. Besides, I've got my beanie if that counts." She told me tapping her head on the side._

_I just stared at her analyzing why she is doing this. Just this one small act of kindness get to me. I relented, took the umbrella and thanked her, promising to give it to her on our next class together. She began to walk away and proceeded to head out opposite of the direction I am going to take. But before she took another step, I called out to her._

_"Hey! I didn't get your name."_

_She turned around and stopped walking completely. "Not until you tell me yours!" she winked at me and smiled._

_I chuckled and walked towards her, then began falling in sync with her steps as we continued our way outside of the building, "My name's Camila." I said._

_"I'm Lauren." She told me, now I have a name for the pretty face in front of me._

_We are both at the steps of the building now._

_"Well, Camila it's really nice to meet you but you better go on your way now, the rain is not stopping anytime soon." Lauren said, her eyebrows furrowed a little bit. She looks cute when she's concerned._

_"Okay, thank you again for lending me your umbrella I promise I'll take care of it." I said absentmindedly._

_'Her eyes is even more beautiful up close.'_

_Lauren took a step again, letting herself get caught up in the rain and smiled brightly at me. "I'll see you at class Camila."_

_I returned her smile and said, "Yeah... I'll see you later."_

_It's still pouring madly and from where I'm standing I watch Lauren slowly make her way through the rain until she turned towards the corner of the street. I looked down at the umbrella she lent me and saw some initials engraved at the handle in bold and cursive gold letters; fancy, elegant, and classic._

**_L.M.J.M._ **

_It's personalized._

_End of Flashback_

* * *

**_Rendezvous' Shopping Center_ **

I was left looking at the same golden letters I've first seen years ago when Ally dropped me off earlier, I know full well that this is one of the businesses that Lauren's family have ventured. The fuck. Freaking Ally. It's just that – shit. I remembered. She didn't know, but why the fuck would she drop me off here? My bad mood due to being woken up abruptly has been added by this event and I just want to go back to my hotel room. I was rudely awakened by my publicist and Editor in Chief then just told me to get showered and dressed then proceeded to push me towards the car scolding me and the driver because I'm running late. She didn't even gave me enough time to tie my shoes, but I'm just glad that I got my laptop with me before we got out of the room. And I am confused as hell. She took me here, dropped me off to this place and went off real quick while shouting out to me to send her a quick text if I need anything. Really Ally? I took out my phone and checked the time while fixing my glasses. 12 in the afternoon, are you serious? This is supposed to be my rest day and I haven't got any sleep in the past two days that I've been here in Miami, I need my sleep. I made a quick text to Ally telling her to explain this shit right now.

After a few minutes I heard my phone ring and I answered it knowing that it's Ally. "Ally. What is this shit? Where are you? Please get back here."

"Are you serious Mila? You don't remember? Not even a bit? Dinah called remember? She said that she wants to have a friend's day out with you and Mani and haven't I told you that? You're the one who told me to put it in your scheduled timetable to meet Dinah and Normani..." she said to me with mock seriousness and then proceeded to laugh at me. She knew already that I forgot about it. "And I'm at the hotel already by the way. So I can't."

"Oh shit. Is that today?" I said trying to keep myself from panicking.

"Yes. And you better go there now." She said.

"I don't even know where I am supposed to go!" I said as I walk around in circles in front of the entrance nearly shouting through the phone; the security in front is looking at me weirdly. I ignored him. I am not prepared for this. Fuck.

"That's why you should take your personal calls yourself girl," she told me with a sigh "I'm sorry I am not that familiar with Miami so I just chose the mall 15 minutes away from the hotel and wait, hold on I'll just check my notes for a few seconds..." Ally told me through the phone. I waited and all I can hear is her fumbling around and then told me the place, "you should be able to find it it's the only café in there."

"Please tell me they know the place of meet up." I sighed.

"They know, they know, I told them beforehand. You better hurry up girl." She said still amused at my antics.

"Thank you Ally you're a lifesaver, I don't know what I'd do if Dinah will be serious on her threat to beat me up if I forget another get together again." I said while looking at the entrance seeing the golden cursive letters again.

"No problem Mila. You better run now, if you need me just send me a quick text or call me. I'll just make a few calls to the events manager for tomorrow."

I hang up the phone and took a glance again at the entrance. What could go wrong? Last time I checked, her family moved to Columbia. I mean, it doesn't mean that she would be here just because her family owns the place.

Right?

I took one final breath and willed myself to move my ass. I made a promise to my friends. I might feel like crap, but I do not wish to get the people around me involve. If I was going to drown I don't want anyone to sink with me. That is why I've been staying in my hotel room all the time cutting contact from people except for the occasional calls to my family and towards Ally, who handles all my personal calls. I'd hate to see the look on my sister and parents faces if they saw me this way. They'd be so disappointed and worried about me and they might feel the need to baby me. My friends would all hold what they're doing just to try and make me feel better. I don't want that, everyone has lives to live and I don't want them to stop living just because I decided I needed a break from my own.

I made my way through the entrance and walked towards the said café. Upon seeing it, I realized that it's my favorite coffee shop back in College, the same café that Lauren and I went to when I asked to get to know her more.  _Technically, it's not the same place but it's still the same establishment._ But still.

* * *

 

_Flashback_

_I am on my way with earphones on towards my last subject for the day which is Spanish and I'm excited to see Lauren, I never had a chance to make friends with my classmates there so I'm pretty excited to make a new friend. My music is turned on so loud that I couldn't hear a thing, so I am definitely surprised when someone tapped on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder and saw that it's the exact same person I'm thinking about. I turned off my music and faced her completely._

_"Hi Lauren." I gave her a smile._

_"Hi Camila." She gave me a bright smile back and hugged me to my surprise. I hugged her back and enjoyed the feeling of her arms wrapped around me._

_'Her smile still gets to me, oh well.'_

_"We should go inside the room now to get good seats." She said while still smiling._

_"Yeah, and by good seats you mean the ones that are comfortable enough so I can sleep peacefully?" I told her hoping to make her laugh._

_And she did. I'll consider that as an accomplishment._

_"Sure, it's okay to me.  It won’t hurt if we fuck it up a little, and I just took this minor so I won't work hard for it that much." Lauren told me while making our way up the lecture hall all the way to the back._

_"Same! Oh my God I thought I was the only one!" I told her excitedly. And then I remembered something._

_"Oh and before I forgot," I went through my shoulder bag to get the umbrella she lent me. "Thank you very much. It really helped me."_

_"No problem!" she said while accepting the umbrella I'm handing out to her then smiled at me._

_Our conversation ended there because the professor barged in and proceeded to start the class abruptly._

_I look over towards Lauren, she made a funny face, clearly mocking the professor. I sent one back and she chuckled. After that we decided to listen to the professor for a bit then grew tired of it so we decided to talk to each other but talking is hard when our professor is shouting out in Spanish every time a student got his or her answer wrong. I don't know what happened next, I fell asleep with my head facing Lauren who is focused towards what the professor is saying, taking notes every now and then._

_I was woken up from my nap when I heard Lauren lightly tapping my shoulder._

_"Camila? Hey, class is almost over."_

_‘That's a nice way to wake up from a nap.’ If seeing her eyes is the first thing I’ll see every time I wake up I’ll be one happy lady._

_"Thank you." Giving her a smile while rubbing my eyes._

_"By the way, we have a quiz next meeting so you better study." She said while looking at me strangely._

_"What? Is there something on my face again?" I said while trying to make myself presentable, I failed though because I am still half-asleep and my mind is foggy due to my nap._

_"Nothing – it's just..." Lauren tucked a stray hair from my face to my ears. "There." She said after a few moments. We stayed like that, looking at each other's eyes._

_Our moment was broke off when I've heard the usual noise of the students piling out of the room. She stood up and looked down on me then laughed when she saw that I’m half awake. She clapped her hands in front of me to help me focus on my sorroundings. That did the trick so I stood up as well realizing that she’s waiting for me and we both made our way outside the building together._

_"Hey, see you next meeting?" she said to me when we got outside._

_I was contemplating on asking her out for lunch, but I'm afraid she'll reject me. I just decided to screw it and just do it. I think I'm that obvious. I like her._

_"Hey, I know that we just met and all but if you don't mind, would you like to go to some nearby coffee shop with me? I know a perfect place it's just around by the corner of the street." I said to her, hoping to get some time to get to know her more. My pulse is going through the roof, awaiting her answer._

_"Sure, lead the way." she replied giving me a smile._

_I let out a sigh of relief then smiled at her. "Great!"_

_We made our way to the said coffee shop. It's packed with customers, so we waited for a few moments for a table to be free while making idle conversations. Once we are seated I told her that it's all on me since I insisted that she’ll go with me and I asked for her order._

_"Pepperoni pizza and for my drink, Caramel Latté with double shot espresso, no foam and over ice." She relented and told me after a while of debate on who's who will pay._

_I smiled at her complicated order, "I'll be right back."_

_I made my way towards the counter and told her order then proceeded to tell mine, "...also two slices of Hawaiian pizza, and for the drink one chai tea please."_

_When I returned to our table, I noticed that Lauren was staring at me apprehensively. She didn't really talk a lot, and it was getting awkward for the both of us... so I tried to break the ice and start small talk._

_"So..." I smiled, "Do you have a thing for girls too?"_

_She snorted. Snorted so loud that the whole coffee shop turned to us and give us funny looks._

_When Lauren composed herself, she hid away from the embarrassment and covered her face with her beanie._

_"Can you really tell?" she asked peaking from her beanie lifting it a little bit showing her eyes._

_I nodded silently and her lips curved to a meaningful smile._

_"Way to go for a conversation starter. I thought you were going to ask me what my course is, my favorite things... I just didn't expect you to blow my cover this fast." She muttered fast and steadily._

_Our orders came and we began eating our food._

_"You thought you can hide it well, huh?" I breathed._

_She was sipping her coffee while her face is flushed red. I don't know if it's because of the hot beverage or the things that I said. She started eating a slice of pizza and looked at me again, piercing me with those green orbs. She just shrugged, "I guess..."_

_I sipped from my tea and grabbed a slice of pizza for myself._

_"It takes one to know one, you know."_

_She almost dropped her coffee and spilled it but she looked surprised at what I said, dropping her mouth in a wide-open-I-didn't-expect-it mode._

_She stared at me again for a long time, as if examining a specie she just found, with her eyes full of wonder._

_"How can you be one?!" she breathed._

_I bit my bottom lip. She can't tell I'm a lesbian. Do I really look like a normal girl? Everything about me screams anything but normal. Did I hide it well? I am not even hiding it. Is her gaydar not functioning at all?_

_"Because girls like me like girls like you." I answered._

_She put her hand over her mouth and stated, "NO WAY!!!"_

_She then quickly glanced sideways to see if people are actually hearing the conversation we're having._

_"You dress so... girly. I just like, found it hard to believe that you're... you're..."_

_"I'm gay." I assured her, "I've always known it ever since I'm a kid. Even if I dress like this, I can't change the fact that I'm into girls."_

_I looked down at my outfit, I just put on what I can find in my closet. I am wearing a black and white stripes long sleeves paired with a jean shorts and my old black converse._

_"No offense though, you should fix your gaydar." I said while looking up to Lauren leaning towards the table joining my hands and resting my chin in them, while sending a wink her way, who's still gaping at me._

_"You said you like me..." she said still wide eyed._

_"Yes. Yes I did. And I'd really like to get to know you." I asked her hoping that she'll say yes._

_"Okay." Blinking rapidly, she said after composing herself for a few moments._

_"Really?" I said, smiling widely at her._

_"Really." She said while looking down with her cheeks flushed._

_"So, how old are you?" I decided to ask her, I know that I'm going somewhat strongly at her, I can't help it though. I am attracted to her and I'm not afraid to show it. I just hope that she won't be put off of me._

_"I'm 18." Lauren said now finally able to regain the ability to speak more than one word, giving me a smile then reaching out for her slice of pizza._

_"Cool! I'm 17." I said as I continue eating my food._

_We continued our conversation from there and we didn't even notice the time until the establishment is about to close, I've learned so much about her and I'd like to know more. Talking to her is easy, it's not strained or awkward. We've swapped numbers outside the establishment and bid our goodbyes promising to text each other when one got safely back to their place._

_I have to say that getting to know Lauren is and always will be the best decision I have ever made. I did great for a person who wasn't even in a relationship before. I'm patting myself in the back for that one._

_I was left looking at her retreating form then decided to go back to my dorm as well, but before I took another step though I heard her called out to me._

_"Wait!”_

_I turned around and raised my eyebrows with a smile "What's up?"_

_She's making her way towards me, running even. After she regained her breath she told me, "I just noticed that it's dark out here now and if you would like to, I could drive you to your dorm? Please I insist."_

_"Really? If it's no trouble for you, then okay." I said, surprised by her offer._

_"It's not a problem for me. Really. I just want to get you back to your dorm safely." She said looking down while balling her feet._

_'She looks cute when she's blushing'_

_We made our way to her car and I gave her the directions towards my dorm building, it didn't take long considering we are still inside the campus. But, we still made small talks here and there and I am incredibly enjoying her company. I waved my goodbye when I got out of the car and she drove off flashing her lights._

_Today's a good day._

_I got inside the building and went to my room. I decided that I'll just text her later knowing that she's driving. To pass time, I took a shower and changed into much more comfortable clothes, then laid down on my bed. I heard a buzz on my nightstand and read the message. A smile took form on my face when I've seen who sent the message._

_From: Lauren_

_Hey just wanted to tell you that I just got home and I really enjoyed talking to you. SERIOUSLY. I hope you had a good night! Sleep well Camila Xx_

_It did not take a second for me to form a reply. We continued our conversation to that until she fell asleep. I did not mind one bit talking to her until the crack of dawn. I really don't mind. The lack of sleep is worth it. Getting to know her is much better than sleep anyway._

_Flashback End_

* * *

"Mila!"

"Walz!"

Two voices broke me out of my reverie. I looked towards the source of the noise and saw Dinah and Mani waving me over, they're near the counter seated at some couches across from each other. I made my way to them. I noticed that there is food already. Thank the Heavens!

"Hi guys, I missed you." I said to them as I took my seat next to Normani and got a slice of pizza.

"Where have you been lady you're late for 30 minutes." Dinah said to me.

"Sorry Dinah I woke up late." I told her while opening up my laptop.

"Enough about all that, at least she’s here. So…. Can you please explain to us why we're here?" Mani said to me, raising her eyebrows.

They both know of course that this mall is one of the businesses that Lauren's family have ventured. So it's natural for them to be curious.

"Ally picked the place. I have nothing to do with it." I told them as I typed in my password. I straightened up my glasses then opened the file I've been working on.

"Mila. Are you serious right now? We're here to spend time together, enough about work." Dinah told me giving me a disapproving glance.

"I just got an inspiration, let me work on my book." I told her.

"You just released your new book! Are you kidding me?!" she told me, leaning towards the table then continued eating her pasta.

I looked over to Mani just to find that she's on her phone, texting someone. I was about to say something and ask her who she's talking to but Dinah cut me off. So I just went back to my laptop and continued working on it.

"Okay! Um... hey Mila! So what are you writing there?" Dinah told me, if I would have looked up from my laptop screen, I would've seen the exaggerated hand gestures Dinah is making towards Mani to text faster, and Mani nodding her head mouthing out that she is.

"Just a new book, I'm not sure about it yet. I'm just doing this because the publishing company is demanding another book and gave me 6 months to finish it." I told them still typing ideas to my document. We continued to catch up on everything that we've missed in the past few months that I haven't seen them. What bothered me though is that these two were acting weird ever since I got here, every time I would look up from my laptop screen I would see Mani on her phone then excusing herself from time to time because she needs to answer her phone in a hurry and then there's Dinah trying to distract me and is always asking me about what I've been working on, I know something was up so I decided to ask them.

"Alright, what's going on?" I told them momentarily looking up from my laptop screen looking at them both in the eye with a pointed look, I am getting suspicious of what they're being weird for. I took a sip from my cup and decided to continue this later. I wouldn't get that much work done if I'm with these girls anyway.

"Nothing. Why'd you ask?" Normani said, giving me a smile while subtly hiding her phone which is buzzing constantly. But unfortunately for her I saw it. It most definitely isn't nothing.

"You might want to answer that." I said to her while pointing at her phone.

"Um... sure." After that Mani got up so fast and went again outside to answer her phone.

"And you?" across from me I asked Dinah, giving her a 'Don't give me a bullshit answer' look.

"Well, you see... um... Mila! What do you want to have? My treat!" she said all in one breath, shifting in her seat all while glancing between me and something behind me."

I got curious so I turned my head to see what she's looking at but she sat next to me in a hurry that I am not able to get a good look. All I've seen is Mani making her way through the door, getting inside the coffee shop.

"Okay... you're seriously weird right now and we already have our food here. Now. Tell me what's going on." I said slowly now looking at her seriously.

"Nothing Walz, it's just... I miss you!" Dinah said. All of a sudden my glasses is perched off my face then she started hugging me so tightly while burying my face to her shoulders, making me unable to breathe. I can't see a thing damn it.

I pulled away from her when air became a problem. I gave her a serious look. Taking my glasses from her hands, wiping the lenses for smudges then settled my glasses again in my nose.

"Okay, if you're going to be like this, the both of you, you and Mani, I won't deal with you at all." I said to her with a sigh. "Tell me anything, is there a problem?"

"No. It's just... well...." Dinah stumbled over her words.

I let out a frustrated groan, then began closing my laptop putting it in my bag. But before I get to put it in my bag though Dinah stopped me.

"Okay! Um.... It's..... because." Dinah tried again, looking behind me.

"Chee if you're going to be like this, I'll just leave." I said and then continued putting my laptop on my bag as I stand up.

Dinah stood up as well, taking ahold of my laptop, "No! You are not leaving, you don't."

I pulled my laptop from her, "No, you're not my mom. You can't make me do something I clearly don't want to." and she pulled back, "Yes I can!" "No you don't." pulling my laptop away from her again.

We're in a tug of war on who will get the laptop and she's currently winning. But her eyes flickered behind me again for a few seconds then widened when she saw something behind me leaving her mouth slack jaw, her grip on the laptop loosened a little. I used her distraction to my advantage and decided to step back a bit then pulled my hardest to get my laptop back.

And then, that's when it all happened.

Busy on taking my laptop away from Dinah, I felt someone bump into me and made the both of us drop whatever we are holding at the same time; my laptop and for their case, a cold coffee.

Now here I am looking at my coffee drenched laptop on the floor. All my files are in there. What the fuck. I wanted to cry so badly.

I looked up from where I've been looking at and glared at Dinah, still not looking at the person I've bumped into.

"What the fuck Dinah. My laptop. The fucking book I'm writing is there, what are you going to do about it." I said to her, frustration laced in my voice.

I felt the person beside me stiffen for a bit. I'm not sure.

I understood why though when I looked from Dinah towards the person.

"I'm so sorr-" I was about to apologize but stopped when I realized who the said person is.

My eyes met the beautiful green eyes that I've learned to love the first time I saw it. 

The girl I've first met when I was 17, my almost wife, my first love.

Lauren Michelle Jauregui.

_Fuck my life._

Our eyes met and I can see that she’s bewildered seeing me again after a long time. I can’t blame her I’m surprised too.

We stood right there, looking at each other’s eyes. Her eyes is concentrated and her face is contorted in confusion. Knowing her for three years, I know that judging by the look she’s sporting right now that she’s debating on saying something.

I don’t know what to do, but seeing her again after all these years, it made me think again of the time where she left me. I got on a defensive stance, folding my arms in my chest and backing away from her giving some space between us. I didn’t say anything though.

That’s when Normani came in with a new frappe she just ordered, she’s still texting but then I heard Lauren’s phone go off and that’s when it all made sense.

They set us up.


	2. It’s a long story - Lauren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically Lauren's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs I’m listening to while writing this chapter and I think you should give them a listen guys while reading this part. (made me cry like a bitch lmao) Imagine me typing while crying my shit out because of them feels. Lol
> 
> 1\. i don’t wanna break – Christina Perri  
> 2\. Hold Back The River – James Bay  
> 3\. I’m A Mess – Ed Sheeran  
> 4\. I Was Made For Loving You – Tori Kelly, Ed Sheeran  
> 5\. First Love – Adele  
> 6\. One – Ed Sheeran  
> 7\. Anywhere But Here – SafetySuit  
> 8\. Tee Shirt – Birdy  
> 9\. Art Of Letting You Go – Tori Kelly  
> 10\. Goodbye – Who Is Fancy  
> 11\. Say Something – A Great Big World, Christina Aguilera  
> 12\. Better Left Unsaid – Ariana Grande  
> 13\. Out Of Goodbyes – Maroon 5, Lady Antebellum  
> 14\. The Scientist – Coldplay  
> 15\. I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You) – John Mayer

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

>   _"Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so much..._
> 
> _...the sun died every night to let the moon breathe."_

 

 

* * *

 

Its currently 2 in the afternoon and I was left alone with my thoughts. Here I am at my office sitting by the couch facing the glass window with a cup of coffee in hand, watching the rain pouring down into the city of Miami. I just finished all the paper works that I needed to attend to and I’m just passing time to let myself rest.

I was listening to the sound of heavy rain and thunder while drinking my coffee but then I heard my work phone go off from the table. I answered it without looking who’s the caller.

“Jauregui. Get on with it.” I said in a cold manner, everyone knows that I’m a different person when it comes to handling business; not that it made any difference.

The phone call didn’t last for a minute before I ended it. I decided to go to my apartment early because there’s nothing left to do.

I immediately went straight to bed, lay down and looked up at the ceiling, not even bothering to change out of my work clothes. Every day of my life it has always been like this. Well, no. Life used to be full of colors, but now it has always been grey. Everything is.  

Can you be tired of living a life you wanted? I wanted to live life like I envisioned it as a kid, but now I’m older and bitter. I read too much into everything and cry into a pillow.

I’m tired of this never ending cycle of waking up and just do things to ensure the business is doing well. But still, it’s kind of a blessing really, it helps when you have so much to do that you are rushed and you have no time to think and just do whatever you are supposed to do. I keep myself busy these days, it’s easier to live in constant distractions, a distraction to keep myself away from my thoughts.

But it’s inevitable, when life slows down a little I can hear the silence and I felt lonelier than ever before. I wish she’s here with me.

And that’s when all my thoughts began again, running through my head, all I ever think about is her. What she’s doing right now, if she’s happy, if she’s doing great on writing her books.

_If she moved on. From me._

That thought hurts like hell but still it’s a big possibility. She’s beautiful, perfect even, and I’m sure that person is lucky if they ever got a chance to be in a relationship with Camila.

It’s just if I ever have the chance to meet the person that she cares for now, I want to ask that person if her lips are like the hot chocolate their mother made during winter months when they were young? Or have they not tasted her well enough to find the fine granules of cocoa that lightly come with each kiss? If they know her favorite songs, not when she is happy, but when she is sad. What music reaches inside her ribcage and softly consoles her heart. And when she is sad, are they on the phone or are they at her door? Words do not wipe away tears, fingers do. Do they know all the things that keep her up at night? Do they know why she has gone three days without sleep? Do they know of the insurmountable waves of sadness that wash over her like a tsunami? Do they know the things to say that will calm her heartbeat? The places to touch? The places to love? Every time you see her do you kiss her like it’s the last time but love her like it’s the first?

_Do you love her? Do you love her?_

_Please don’t hurt her._

I stopped my thoughts from there, it’s been 7 years but I still can’t move on from her. It’s ironic really, I’m the one who left yet here I am wallowing away with the thoughts of her. 

She’s an up and coming writer at that time and I don’t want to be a bother.

If I have the chance, I’d tell her my reasons.

 

**I let her go because I didn’t want to hold her back.**

* * *

_Flashback_

_7 years ago_  

 

 _I did not expect that this is the day that everything will go wrong._ _I’m inside my bedroom sleeping peacefully until I received a phone call from my father early in the morning._

_I was a bit confused but still I’m happy that he called._

_“Hi Dad!” I greeted rather excitedly, It’s been a few weeks since I last saw him since he’s always busy with work. I understand though, after all it’s really hard to run a company by yourself._

_But the other end of the line is silent, I looked at my phone just to make sure if the call is still on the line. It is, so I put my phone back in my ear again._

_“Dad, what’s wrong?” I told him, immediately getting worried now that I am able to hear the quiver in my dad’s voice._

_“Lolo…” My dad started. “Lo... Chris… he… he…” My dad can’t finish his sentence though._

_“Dad tell me what is going on?” I pretty much demanded._

_“Lauren, your brother... Chris he… he got into an accident.”_

_“What? where is he? Where are you?” I questioned immediately._

_“He’s not here. He… he...” my father said shakily, but he couldn’t continue what he’s saying._

_I demanded my dad again, and I heard him took a deep breath from the other end of the line then told me what I’m dreading to hear._

_“He died of hypothermia Lauren. He’s de-“ he stopped and after a few moments continued again._

_“He’s dead Lauren.” After my dad said that he broke down into a mess, I can’t see him but I can hear him sitting down into something._

_What? I can’t believe this. He’s not dead. No._

_“Dad what are you saying he’s on a vacation with his friends!” I told him, my voice getting shaky._

_I know that Chris is in Sweden for a vacation with his friends for a few weeks, I know that they’ll be skiing a lot and they’ll be in a cold place for a long time but I wouldn’t think that my brother would be dea-_

_I stopped my thoughts right there._ _I don’t want to think about it, I’ll get there but not right now. I need to be strong for my dad._

_“Dad where are you?”_

_“I’m at JFK New York right now, I’m on my way to Sweden. Your mom and Taylor is on their way too, they’re in MIA right now. Last I heard they are already checking in their bags. We’re on our way there.”_

_“I want to go too.” I said to him, I’m serious I need to see if this… this is real._

_“Do you want me to send you a jet there?” my dad inquired._

_“No. I can do it myself. Just, take care Dad. Please stay safe okay? For me?”_

_“I will princess.” My dad replied._

_We didn’t end the call right away, we’re still there in silence. But my dad broke it off and reminded me of what I need to do a few weeks ago, but I just can’t do it._

_“Have you told Mila yet?” he said with a sigh, he doesn’t agree of what I am supposed to tell to my fiancé._

_“Dad, we’ve talked about this. Please don’t remind me, let’s just get to Chris first.”_

_He didn’t let it go though._

_“You know that I don’t agree with what’s going on between you and your mo-“_

_I cut him off right there._

_“I know. But you don’t want to have any arguments. I already know that dad, you’ve told me this so many times.”_

_“I’m sorry and I know that I probably should’ve done something but I don’t have complete control over everything.”_

_“You can do something you know, but you chose your side.” I told him rather bitterly. Now that we’re talking about this, I might as well tell him what I’m feeling over this situation._

_“I didn’t choose sides. You know that. I just chose to not be involved between you and your mother.” He told me over the phone._

_“And who’s in an advantage because of that?” I retorted._

_The other end is silent so I chose to end the phone call right there._

_“I’ll tell her later in the afternoon.” I told him quietly, then hanged up._

 

 _I have thought about it, it will both hurt us in the long run, so I have to end this. At least I’ll be the one who’ll take most of the pain, I want to save her from the pain because it will hurt more if I’ll let this last any longer. I know she’ll be hurt after what I am going to do but I know she’s strong and will pull herself through. I have no idea what to say to her though, without giving anything away that much. I don’t want her to know why I’m letting her go._

_It’s not because I’ve been feeling neglected and ignored lately, it’s not because she’s busy with her work that she doesn’t have any time for me, and it’s totally not because of my jealousy going through the roof every time I see her with the publisher’s son Austin Mahone, that’s totally not it. It’s not her fault._

_It’s mine. It’s all my fault._

_I know that she loves to write, it’s her passion, her dream even. So it’s totally understandable to be busy for a long time because it’s her first work, her first book that’s going to be published and I know how important it is for her. She’s nervous about it, but really there’s nothing to be nervous about. I’ve read some parts whenever she allowed me to and it’s really great, judging from the short paragraph that she let me read once. Her book, entitled You and I both is a great book I can tell, from what I’ve seen it’s not the cliché things that I’ve always read on some books and that’s what makes it great already._

_And for the publisher’s son, I can’t blame him. She’s beautiful and hot and I don’t know how she does it all while being cute. But there are times that he forgets his boundaries and he’ll cross the line and Camila won’t even notice because she could be so oblivious sometimes. But for me, well, let’s just say I need to be hold off one time by Dinah and Normani so I won’t get to him, and possibly ruin Camila’s writing career._

_He knows, he definitely knows that Camila’s in a relationship but that doesn’t stop him to pursue her and that makes him twice as shitty in my list. I can’t do anything about it really. Well I can but he’s the publisher’s son, I can’t do anything about it that will not let Camila know that I’ve done something._

_I could tell my dad to buy that whole damn publishing company, but I don’t know how I’ll hide that from Camila. She’ll be upset for sure, she wants to do things on her own and that’s one of the things that I admire about her; her independence._

_Going back, it’s not her fault. It’s all mine, all my fault. At least that’s what I’d like to think._

_It’s just everything is happening all at once and I don’t know what to do, which comes first and which comes last._

_I know that I’ll always put her first before me but I don’t know what to think anymore._

_‘It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t even make you a priority.’_

_I stopped my thoughts right there. It’s not her fault. It’s not her fault. It’s all mine._

_‘Why do I have to be so weak? This… thing… will be the death of me.’_

_‘I won’t tell her. I don’t want her to drop everything for me just because I told her that I’ve…’_

_I should really stop thinking about that. It’s not final yet, there’s a definite chance that it would be false._

_And with the added news of my brother’s death, I don’t know what to do anymore._ _I need to know if this is some kind of a bad dream. I mean this is a nightmare right? And I’ll wake up from this shit. When this nightmare is over, I’ll wake up and call Chris immediately._

_But it’s not._

_It’s all my fault. My own fucking fault._

_-_

_I’m looking down at the cup of coffee Camila got for me, I’m using the small stick that is used to stir the coffee to mess up the happy face drawn in it._

_"What are you saying Lo?”_

_Her voice is quivering, and it breaks my heart that I’m doing this. But I have to. I don’t have a choice. Actually I have, it won’t make any difference though. Its either I leave her right now and let her heal over time or I… I… leave her when I’m…_

_I can’t bear the thought. Fuck._

_I just have to choose the lesser evil. Which is what I’m doing right now._

_I pointed timidly at her hand where the ring I gave her is in, I simply lost all my strength after that phone call with my father but I managed to drag myself out of my bedroom to meet her up in this coffee shop. I can’t believe I’m doing this in the place where we started._

_“I want it back.”_

_“Why?” she told me her voice is shaky, I know she’s trying hard not to cry._

_I looked up at her and I was met with her warm brown eyes who’s now red due to fighting off tears. She looked away so fast though before I’m able to process what she’s thinking through her eyes._

_"My grandma's ring... give it back." I said now fighting off the tears as well._

_But she’s not listening, she spaced out. I wish I know what she’s thinking right now._

_I decided that I should continue this before I take back all my words and apologize, I don’t want to leave her but I have to._

_I leaned across the table and took her hand, at this point I am lost in my own thoughts._

_‘Why am I doing this? I don’t want to break her heart. I don’t want her sad. I mean, I’m happy. She’s happy, so why would I let this go? Why would I let her go?’_

_Well sometimes, life is shit and you just have to protect others from getting hurt even more._

_Even if you have to hurt them; not intentionally of course, in order for them not to feel any pain further._

_It’s fucked up really. It’s life._

_I took off the ring from her hand, it’s painful to do it myself but I have to. I continued to hold her hand, which is shaking. I want to tell her my reasons but she’s better off not knowing. This is it. I have to go. I kissed her hand for the last time using it to say my I’m sorry’s and my I love you’s. It has to end though, I felt my phone in my pocket buzzing indicating that the driver my dad called for me is here, ready to take me to the airport on the way to Sweden. I stood up and walked away, I don’t want to look back. I don’t want to see her sad. I want to remember that the last time I’ve seen her is her, smiling and hugging me._

_I made my way outside the coffee shop before letting my tears fall, I immediately made my way towards the car waiting out front before I broke down._

_The car ride is silent and I’m left looking at the window blankly, tracing out the random rain drops that is falling through it and the driver is telling me that all my luggage is checked in at the airport already. He didn’t ask questions, he knows that my brother is involved in some kind of accident so he assumed that maybe that’s why I’m crying. He’s a close friend and employee of my dad after all, that’s why he knows things. But everyone outside family and close friends don’t know a thing about Chris, at least for the meantime, at least until we confirmed that it is really real. My thoughts went back to Camila._

_I never want to lose you. I never want to let you go._

_But I hope you find someone that mindlessly plays with your hands and lightly strokes your legs and massages your back and plays with your hair and I hope that you feel like you’re home when you look at them._

_Trust me. How I wish that it’s still me. But I am sorry, I am so fucking sorry… I can’t._

_I am so sorry, but you’re better off without me. You’re better off not knowing anything._

_Later on, if ever. If the heaven permits. When we are older and we know ourselves._

_In another lifetime._

_I’m hoping that maybe one day. One day we’ll meet again, and continue this._

 

_End of Flashback_

* * *

I woke up from my sleep because of my work phone ringing by the bedside table. I checked it immediately to see what it is about. It’s an email from Normani. Why didn’t she just texted me on my personal phone like she usually does?

I checked it and it’s about the thing we talked about the last time we meet. It’s about the shares I’ll sell to her.

A few years ago, I helped Normani set up her own restaurant and I happen to know that time that she needs an investor and I volunteered for her. At first, she won’t accept, but eventually after a few talks on my shares she went for it. And now, I’m selling it to her because I’ll move my office to New York, taking over the branch there. I won’t have time to check over things here and well the other reason, she knows already. I felt bad at first because she’s the only one who knows about it, she knows a lot of things even the ones seven years ago, but she never told a word on others, even if it pains her to. That’s why I trust her.

I replied to her email saying we could meet up somewhere, and just tell me where. She always decides which place it is where to hold our meetings and so far it’s good places so I always count on her for it.

She replied not a minute later, now in my personal phone. She told me that we’ll meet up at the mall I’ve been currently managing, on my favorite coffee shop.

It’s the place where Camila and I used to go. She introduced it to me.

I remember the first time I saw her. I immediately became interested in her. I don’t think it’s possible, but it happened.

* * *

  _Flashback_

_First Year College 2 nd semester_

_First Spanish Class_

 

_I am currently sitting at the back of the room by the window waiting peacefully for the class to start. I am a few minutes early and am lucky enough to be the first ones to be in the classroom to pick good seats. My mother think it’s a bother to take this subject because I mean, I know a few things here and there and I just took this as a minor subject because it won’t hurt to deepen my knowledge to this language. It’s an advantage and a skill to know another language in which it could be useful._

_A few minutes later the professor came in and started calling our names. I crouched to get my notebook out from my backpack when I heard a raspy voice._

_“Here!”_

_I bumped my head in my desk._

_Fucking ouch. I bit my lip to hide my pain. I don’t want to curse like crazy, especially in here. I rubbed my head to ease the pain I’m feeling. I looked around if someone saw and fortunately for me no one did._

_After the pain eased up a bit, I looked over at the person who’s the owner of that voice, she’s nearby the other side of the room, pretty far away from me and she is now writing something down in her notebook. I can’t see her actually she’s near the front, all I can see is her long dark locks cascading through her back and I can’t help but imagine what she looks like. But eh... she’s probably straight. Which sucks._

_I need to know her name or last name or anything actually, but because I’m not listening to my prof. earlier, I missed it. Next meeting, I’ll get to it._

_“Jauregui?” I returned my gaze up front from the enchanting girl. I haven’t even seen her entire frame but I’m immediately taken to her. I don’t know, can you fall in love to a voice?_

_“Here!” I said as I raised my hand._

_The class continued from there, we didn’t get to do much considering it’s the first day and the professor just explained the contents of the syllabus and all that shit and then dismissed us early. Some of the students left already but some like me decided to pass time here in the classroom. I could go to my apartment right now because this is my last subject but I don’t want to simply because the girl that I’ve yet to know the name is still here. I am just passing time looking over at the girl every once in a while, doodling things in my notebook and checking my phone every now and then. I finished another set of doodle and looked at my phone, it’s almost time for dismissal._

_I looked over at the girl again, I can’t see much because her back is facing me but from what I can see is she’s got her earphones on. She’s swaying her head to the rhythm of whatever she’s listening and I wonder what she’s listening to._

_I checked my phone again and saw that it’s dismissal time, so I decided to pack my things and head back to my apartment._

_I put my backpack on my shoulder and made my way out of the room. As I walk towards the door, I can’t help but let my eyes train towards the girl again where she is beginning to stand up, and that’s when I fully saw her. My body froze all at once, I’m not quite sure on what’s going on I mean I felt warm all over my body yet here I am shocked solid and shaking, I am not even cold. She’s wearing a green turtle neck sweater and some ripped skinny jeans._

_All I can say is that she is so perfect even if she’s just standing there throwing everything in her shoulder bag, getting ready to head out herself. She looked up from what she’s doing and put the strap of her bag over her head and began to walk down to the door. But before she gets another step though she came back to her seat checking if she left something behind. That’s when I saw her face. And oh my God that girl is literally so beautiful. I have never thought that at one point in my life brown could be my favorite color until I saw her eyes._

_I can’t believe someone would blow me away just by simply looking at them. She’s beautiful, can’t deny that. Stunning even. I waited for her to go out of the classroom before going out myself. She’s walking towards the exit now, still with her music on. I can’t believe I got a crush on somebody already on the first day of college._

_I head out of the lecture building and made my way to my car deciding that going home and eating something or talk it out to Mani would be the best course of action. If I didn’t do one of those things I am sure I would follow that girl on what she’d do. I don’t want a restraining order or something._

___

_Her last name is Cabello. Sadly, our professor don’t call us by our full names whenever she’s roll calling our names on the class list. But I get more than what I was expecting. It’s almost the end of midterms and I have been accustomed to my heart beating erratically whenever she walks into the room. She sleeps a lot, like literally she sleeps like a baby every class. I always wonder if she’s worried with her grades or something or she just don’t care._

_This class is somewhat decent, I mean everyone has their own world and don’t speak to others and our professor is just all lecture and things like that and she doesn’t care on what you’re doing as long as you can answer her questions and comply with her requirements. You can say that this is my favorite class ever._

_But this is one of those days that even my favorite class won’t cheer me up. It was the usual phone call with the family until I heard my mom talk. One minute I was laughing with Taylor and Chris with all the dad jokes my father is saying and the next my mom is ruining my day._

___

_“So, are you done with this phase yet?” I heard my mom said through the phone._

_I heard Taylor gasp, and Chris telling my mom to stop it._

_I love my siblings really, they always defend me ever since I came out to my parents, my dad took it very well saying that he only need to worry about Taylor getting pregnant, but my mom is a whole other thing. She didn’t like it, she reacted very badly, and kicked me out of the house. That’s why I have my own apartment, where my dad bought it for me. It has its perks but still. It hurts that you’re not accepted by your own mother. I can’t change who I am just to please her though._

_Every time I call to the house and if she find out that it’s me. That will always be her greeting to me. It hurts but I don’t want to talk back to her, she’s still my mom. We had a very good relationship then, but that changed when I came out._

_“No, not yet. I’ll let you know if something changed.” I told her in a sarcastic manner, hiding the fact that I want to cry because of her words._

_“Okay, then call me if it happens.” My mom said._

_There’s silence before I heard my dad talking through the phone._

_“I’m sorry princess.” He said with a sigh, I imagine him rubbing his face and scratching his head because of frustration._

_I didn't reply. Because its not alright._

___

_I was so lost in my thought that I didn’t even notice that the class is dismissed already until I heard everyone piling out of the room._

_I looked for the brown haired girl. Usually when our professor dismissed us she would always be one of the last people to go to avoid the rush in going out of the class. But that’s not the case today. She’s gone already._

_I sighed in disappointment and decided that I better head to my apartment._

_Turns out, I won’t get back to my apartment anytime soon because it is raining madly outside. And that’s when I saw her, she’s near the windows looking outside, running her fingers through her hair in frustration._

_‘Maybe she’s having a bad day too like me.’_

_I noticed that she doesn’t have anything with her to protect herself from the rain._

_‘or maybe it’s because of that’ I thought._

_Should I approach her? I mean she doesn’t even know me, she’ll probably think that I’m a creep._

_I didn’t get the chance to think it through though because she’s already making her way outside of the building probably going to run for it._

_I can’t let her do that, she might get sick. So I tapped her shoulder and gently pulled her into the side. She must’ve been surprised though because her eyes went wide._

_"I don't want to die. I'm too young for this. I'll give you everything, anything, just please don't kill me." She said to me._

_‘Maybe I startled her’_

_I gave her an amused look until I couldn’t hold my laughter any longer._

_"If you haven't noticed yet, there are other people around to witness the crime and I am also a student here. We're classmates actually, in our Spanish class." I told her after I contain myself but still smiling at her. I don’t know why I’m not nervous, maybe because I’m now used to the butterflies in my stomach. But still, I’m talking to my crush. I don’t know how I’m containing myself right now._

_"Oh, good to know, I've seen my life flash before my eyes for a second when you pulled me there." She said to me then continued, "And since when? I haven't seen you around." then turned her gaze outside where it is till pouring heavily._

_I looked over at the rain, it’s incredibly relaxing. "I've been attending that class since the beginning of the semester actually." I told her._

_All of a sudden she faced me again with a look of surprise. "Seriously?!"_

_"Yup." I said popping the 'p'. I wanted to laugh because she really looked surprise, but I contained it because I don’t want her to think that I’m crazy or something._

_"Oh well, I always zone out on that class so I don't know what's going on half of the time. Sorry about that." She told me, while laughing nervously._

_Why did she became nervous? Did I make her uncomfortable? Oh God she probably think I’m a stalker now._

_"I've noticed, you sleep a lot actually." I said absentmindedly. My eyes widen when I realized what I just said._

_Fuck. Now she thinks I’m a creep._

_"Are you insinuating that I'm a lazy ass?" She asked me raising as she raised her eyebrows in amusement._

_She looks cute doing that._

_Blinking away the surprise, "NO! It's just, um... it's just that you look like you slept not just long ago."_

_Pitiful excuse. I know._

_"Oh? Is there something on my face?" She asked me while fixing her hair and making herself look presentable which I think is unnecessary to be honest. She looks beautiful already._

_"There's nothing, I'm just messing with you." I said to her while laughing nervously._

Silence. Complete silence. We’re looking over at the rain outside hoping that it will stop. Well, I don’t mind if the rain will last a bit longer if I get to be with her a little bit longer.

_"Um... I better go. Really." She awkwardly said to me. I turned my gaze from the rain to her, and I swear she looks so beautiful. She’s just adjusting her glasses which slipped to the bridge of her nose but she noticed that lenses are getting foggy so she removed them and put it in her bag. She’s just doing simple things and here my heart is beating erratically. I thought I’m used to it, but it’s completely different when she’s just a few meters from me._

_My thoughts stopped right there when she directly looked at me after looking around, I was so surprised, she caught me staring at her. I hope she won’t get mad at me._

_And to my relief, she smiled._

_"I'm sorry but I have to go." She told me again while waving her hand, fuck, I haven’t responded to her earlier. And I haven’t asked her name yet. I am so stupid._

_In a rush decision I called out to her, "Wait! I... um..."_

_Fuck. Did I just fucking stutter?_

_She turned towards me, cocking her head to the side and raising her eyebrows to let me know that she’s listening, all while messing with the strap of her shoulder bag._

_I don’t know what to say. Shit. I shouldn’t bother her, I should just stop this. But I wanna help her. In my own little way._

_"Hey, if you don't mind. I really need to go, it was nice meeting you though." she told me, fuck I blew my chance._

_Calm down Lauren you got this… yeah you got this… just give her the umbrella. Simple enough._

_"Wait! Um... I'm sorry... It's just... here..."_

_Did I just fucking stutter? Again?_

_I proceeded to hand her my umbrella. It’s a birthday gift from my father and I never let anyone use it but for her I will. Just once though._

_"Thank you, seriously, but I don't want to trouble you or anything. I'm sure you'll need this." She said while giving me a smile. That smile… wow… the effect she has on me is incredible._

_"That's no problem really. I'll just run towards my apartment, it's not that far from here. Besides, I've got my beanie if that counts." I told her tapping my head on the side. Gaining my confidence a little bit._

_She took the umbrella and promised me that she’ll give it back to me. Knowing that she’ll be okay now, I smiled at her and said my goodbye then walked towards the entrance of the building. But before I take another step though, she called out to me._

_"Hey! I didn't get your name."_

_I turned around and stopped walking completely. "Not until you tell me yours!" I winked at her and smiled. Seriously, where did this confidence came from I was a stuttering mess earlier._

_She laughed a bit and walked towards me, we continued our way outside of the building, "My name's Camila." She said._

_"I'm Lauren." I told her._

_Camila. Cabello. Camila Cabello. It’s a nice name, finally I know the name of my crush._

_We are both at the steps of the building now._

_"Well, Camila it's really nice to meet you but you better go on your way now, the rain is not stopping anytime soon." I said. Its true though, she better go before the rain pours heavily again._

_"Okay, thank you again for lending me your umbrella I promise I'll take care of it." She said to me._

_I took a step again, letting myself get caught up in the rain and smiled at her. "I'll see you at class Camila."_

_She smiled back and said, "Yeah... I'll see you later."_

_And with that I made my way towards my apartment. Even if I’m getting drenched by this cold rain it won’t ruin my day. I finally talked to her. Nothing can wipe the smile on my face right now._

_Having a cold because of the rain is worth it. Nothing can change that._

 

_End of Flashback_

* * *

The constant ring of my telephone is getting annoying to the point that I want to chuck it off to the wall.

Seriously. Who would call me early in the morning? Still, I got up and answered even if I really don’t want to.

“Hello? Lauren Jauregui speaking.”

“Hey Laur, are we still on for lunch?”

“What are you talking about Normani?” I told her over the phone when I realized that its her who called.

“Are you kidding me?” she said.

“What?” I told her honestly.

“You freaking forgot about our um… meeting.” She replied.

“What meeting? Is it today? Oh my god I’m so sorry.” I told her while taking a chance to glance on my clock.

**1:00 PM**

Fuck. Its actually not that early as I thought.

“I’ll meet you there. I promise, just order my usual.” I told Normani.

"How am I suppose to know your usual? Your orders are so complicated." She told me.

"Okay fine just wait for me there or something, I'm sorry I completely forgot." I told her apologetically.

I heard another voice from the other end of the line though. "Yo Girl! I see her! Chancho's here, Finally."

"Who's that?" I asked Normani.

“Its nothing… honestly uh… I’ll just text you okay.” Normani hurriedly said to me quickly then hanged up.

_Strange. I thought I heard Dinah’s voice._

I shrugged it off, probably it was nothing. I decided to get ready as quick as I can then told my driver to go to the mall.

As we make our way through the city I can’t help but think about all the times that this used to be the place where I’m most happy. But now, its just a place full of memories. Its one of the many reasons why I want to move my office to New York.

* * *

  _Flashback_

 

_Here I am at the hospital with my family about to look at my brother’s body. I honestly don’t know what to feel. I am in a whirlwind of emotions that I don’t know what to feel anymore. I am tired. I’ve been dreading this moment from the moment that I’ve heard the news from my father and I really don’t want to break down._

_It’s my fault. This is all my fault._

_We didn’t talk as we make our way to where Chris is. We just let the doctors lead the way to where he is._

_As we stopped in front of a white door, I keep having this feeling that he’s actually in there, not breathing. That he’s actually dead._

_The doctors let us in. All the four of us._

_My dad is the one who pulled the white sheets over his head. With trembling hands he pulled it to reveal his face. And there he is. Chris. My little brother. I can’t believe it, this is not happening. Maybe he’s just asleep, maybe he’s not dead._

_One by one all of us shed tears._

_And I keep thinking that it’s all my fault. Its all my fucking fault._

 

_End of Flashback_

* * *

My phone rang breaking me away from my thoughts.

I looked at the screen and saw that its Normani. I immediately answered the phone and told her that I’m on my way.

“Girl. You better hurry up or I’m gonna slap you.”  She said in a hurry.

What is it with this girl? She’s usually not like this when it comes to meetings.

“Okay okay just chill for a sec okay?” I told her over the phone.

The line was silent for a second then she went on again, making me hurry up.

“Okay that’s one second. Now hurry up. Chop chop.” She told me then hanged up.

I shook my head with how insistent Normani is today but nevertheless I told my driver to hurry up.

It’s a pretty long drive considering I was from my house so I have enough time to think by myself. I can’t help it but my thoughts wander again to that day.

* * *

  _Continuation of Flashback_

 

_After we confirmed that it really is Chris, we went outside. Dad is taking care of everything making calls here and there. As we wait for him, my mother suddenly went off on me._

_“I bet it’s all your fault.” She said simply._

_“Mom! Stop it!” Taylor told her. She tried to defend me but we both now that we won’t stand a chance against our mother._

_I admit, those words hurt. But I can’t deny it. Because it’s technically my fault._

_“Please. She didn’t even try to contradict my statement. It’s her fault.” My mother said again._

_I don’t want to talk back to her. I still have some respect for her. So I didn’t say anything, I chose to ignore her. I pretended that I am not hearing what she’s saying._

_“See what I’m saying Taylor? She’s not denying it! It’s her fault! It’s her fault that my son is dead! My son!” She shouted._

_“Mom! Stop blaming everything to her! It’s not her fault!” Taylor said._

_I just let them argue. I don’t know what to do. I am so fucking lost._

_I looked over to my dad and see that he’s still a few feet away with his back facing us, so he’s not seeing anything._

_I’m still looking at my dad contemplating if I should help him or not but I then heard the name of my fiancée. Well, used to._

_“You see! That Camila girl is a bad influence to her! That woman is just using her! And she’s too stupid and blind to see that!”_

_After that statement alone, I snapped. She doesn’t have the right to say that. Especially when she’s one of the many reasons why I left her. Why I left Camila._

_I looked up at her. With tears in my eyes._

_“I would stop that if I were you, **Mother**.” I told her fighting off the urge to slap her. _

_But she’s having none of that._

_“Or what?” she challenged. “I’m simply telling Taylor that that woman is a bad influence to you. That bit-“_

_I can’t hold it anymore._

_“Don’t call her that! She’s not like that!  And she’ll never be because she’s a good person! Ten times better than you! Maybe if you tried to get to know her you’ll actually know that she’s not what you think she is. And don’t you fucking dare play the innocent here! You’re the one who told me to break off everything with her! And it’s not just my fault that Chris is dead! It’s your fault too! If you didn’t pressure him so much in taking over the company I wouldn’t even suggest that he’ll take a vacation here to get away from you. From the stress! From everything! If you just listened to him. Just once. You’ll know that he doesn’t want to be the CEO! He wants to be a pilot! But you are so busy with your precious company, and having all these plans made out for us that you didn’t even listen to Chris! Even to Taylor! Do you even know that Taylor doesn’t want anything to do with this company? She wants to be a lawyer! All of this because of a stupid family tradition! Where did that even came from? If Grandma hears this she’ll never approve!”_

_I let all my thoughts out. But I’m not done yet. By this time dad and Taylor is listening but I don’t care. I need to let this all out._

_“And don’t you start with Camila! It’s all your fault! You told me to break up with Camila! And if I didn’t you’ll ruin her career! What did she ever do to you that you hate her so fucking much?!”_

_“She stole my daughter! She stole you away from me!”_

_“Enough about this! She didn’t do anything! You did it all by yourself! You lost me the day that I came out and you kicked me out of our house just because you don’t want to accept the fact that your daughter is a lesbian!”_

_“I just wanted you to be happy!”_

_I looked at her directly in the eyes letting all my emotion make their way through it. With tears streaming down my face I told her._

_“Tell me mom. Is this what happiness looks like? Look at me and tell me… honestly… now that everything is over between me and the only woman I’m in love with…. Do I look happy to you?”_

_“I… I…” My mother can’t say anything. She just stood there in front of me unable to form words._

_“Now tell me mom. Are you happy? Now that everything between Camila and I is over, are you happy?” I told her quietly._

_But she still didn’t respond._

_“Tell me! Because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore!”_

_“I… I don’t know…” she said._

_“God damn it mom! I can’t-“ before I get to finish what I’m about to say though my dad stopped me._

_“Enough! I’ve heard enough!” He said, clearly not knowing anything of what we’re talking about._

_All of us stayed silent. Waiting for dad to say something again._

_“Clara… we’ll talk about this later. I can’t even look at you right now… let’s just get Chris to Columbia and after the funeral all of us will talk. And I mean ALL of us. Have I made myself clear?” he said in a stern voice._

_“Yes.” All three of us responded._

_And after that it all became a blur. The flight to Columbia, the funeral, the burial. Everything. The next thing I know, I am seated next to Taylor facing our parents about to talk what is really happening in this family._

_For a long moment we didn’t say anything, and my dad is the one who broke the silence._

_“Tell us everything what is really going on between you both. And I want everything. Don’t leave anything, every single detail should be talked about.”_

_I looked at my mom who is already looking at me. Waiting for me to say something._

_And so I told them everything, how my mom doesn’t approve of Camila and she wants me to break things off with her. But I didn’t listen to her until lately because she threatened me that she’ll ruin Camila’s writing career if I let this continue._

_Taylor is the first one who spoke this time._

_“Mom, how could you do this? Did you even realize what you did?”_

_“I… I… I just wanted what’s best for her.” She said now looking lost._

_“If you wanted what’s best for her you should’ve asked her what she wanted in the first place because that’s what’ll make her happy. I’m very disappointed at you right now Clara” my dad said._

_“I know that now. It’s just I don’t know how to fix this.” Then she looked directly at me now. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry, I didn’t realize… I thought….” She tried to form words while she’s tearing up and I decided to cut her off right there._

_I sighed. “I accept your apology I guess, there’s nothing you can do about it now. You can’t take back the past.”_

_“Is there anything I can do.? I regret what I’ve done, I was so blindsided with things that I didn’t even realize that you’re hurting. I’ve become a bad mother to the three of you.” She said now crying hysterically. “And now, Chris is gone and I didn’t even had the chance to say sorry.”_

_“There’s something you can do actually…” Taylor started. “Let Lauren go to Camila…”_

_My mom sighed._

_“To be honest Camila is a great lady, and I think she’s great for Lauren but it’s not my say. Not anymore. It’s up to Lauren to make that decision.”_

_Taylor glanced at Lauren, “So are you going back to Miami?”_

_Lauren met her glance and told her simply, “No.”_

_My father asked this time._

_"Why?”_

 

_End of Flashback_

* * *

When the car stopped, I was suddenly brought back from my musing.

“Ms. Jauregui we’re here.” The driver said to me from the front.

“Okay thank you.” I told him and got out of the car. I then immediately called Normani to tell her that I’m on my way to the café, but she’s taking too long to answer after about a few rings she answered.

“What took you so long to answer? But never mind that I’m walking towards the café, where are you?”

“Oh um I’m here outside, just waiting.” She said.

“Why are you outside? You don’t have to wait for me there just get inside Mani.” I told her. That’s odd, usually whenever she’s the first one to arrive at our meeting place she’ll just order some food already.

“Hey Mani let’s get inside, sorry for making you wait.” I greeted her.

“It’s nothing. Let’s go order our food already.” Normani said to me while pulling me towards the counter.

I told her that I wanted to sit down first but she glared at me and conveniently pulled my hand to the counter where the barista awaits…

Normani told me to order already while keeping an eye out to my back, I got curious so I tried to  look at what she’s looking at but she didn’t let me, she gripped my shoulder and asked me my order.

“So, what do you want? Its on me girl.”

“You are so weird today,” but still I didn’t pay attention to that we all have those days “but sure just coffee for me.”

“Tell it to the barista girl, I don’t know your usual.” She told me while rolling her eyes and laughing at me.

“Okay geez… um.. Caramel Latté with double shot espresso, no foam and over ice.”

As we wait for our order in the counter; Normani still don’t want us to take a seat for ‘unknown’ reasons she said, we talked here and there.

“Why is it that your coffee has to be complicated?”

“Well, its not that complicated…”

“Yes it is! I-“

Before she get to finish her sentence the barista told us that my order is complete. She didn’t need to shout out my order because I am so well known here that they’ll just hand me my order, plus it helps that I’m the owner of  this mall.

“Here’s your coffee ma’am”

“Thank you.”

“Hey Mani let’s take a seat already they’ll just put your order there.” And I quickly turned around and made my way into the coffee shop. Turns out she’s not listening because I heard my phone go off and when I looked at it and saw that I received a text message from her asking me where I am.

I texted her back saying I’m on my way to my usual seat at the corner table of the coffee shop. Honestly the reason why I love this coffee shop is because it is so spacious, not the usual coffee shop where you can’t do anything much. There's a designated corner in which there are shelves of books and you can take one and just read, you can do anything actually.

And that’s when it all happened.

As I looked at my phone to read her reply I felt someone bump into me that made me drop my coffee.

But that’s not the case at all, we both dropped something at the same time; my coffee and for their case a laptop.

Ouch. I can’t even imagine my laptop being drenched in a coffee, all my important files are in there.

I looked up from where I’ve been looking to and was about to apologize when I recognized her. Even if she’s facing her back towards me there is no way that it’s not her.

Karla Camila Cabello.

Am i lucky? or Is this some crazy fantasy?

The only woman I’ve ever loved, my almost wife.

That’s when it all hit me, that’s why Normani’s acting so weird. She set this up.

"What the fuck Dinah. My laptop. The fucking book I'm writing is there, what are you going to do about it." She said to Dinah, frustration laced in her voice.

_Oh, its not just Normani._

My body froze when I heard her speak, I am so not prepared for this.

“I’m so sorr-“ She was about to apologize but then she realized who I am.

_Fuck._

I don’t know what to say, should I apologize for her laptop? Or for breaking things off with her? Or for not explaining things to her?

_Lauren, now’s your chance. You’re just thinking about this the other day. Now do it._

We stood right there, looking at each other’s eyes. Her eyes is concentrated, like analyzing my every move.

But I can’t say anything, I don’t know what to say. _I don’t know where to begin._

I was brought back from my thoughts when I saw her backing away giving some spaces between us with her arms folded. She didn’t say anything, she just looked at me then turned her gaze to Dinah then to someone behind me. 

I followed her gaze and saw that its Normani looking around. She's walking around holding her newly ordered frappe, probably looking for me then suddenly stopped when she saw us. I turned my head towards Dinah who's now fighting off her laughter. And that confirms everything.

_These two... they planned it all along._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this :) idk if its that good and i haven't reread them to check for grammar mistakes. if there is one i'm sorry.


	3. Better off this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these are some songs that i was listening to when i was writing this chapter and i think you should give them a listen because they sound good (promise) 
> 
> 1\. Home Away From Home - Canopy Climbers  
> 2\. Maybe We're Home - Lewis Watson  
> 3\. All I Want - Kodaline  
> 4\. A Drop In The Ocean - Ron Pope  
> 5\. When It Comes To Us - Frances  
> 6\. Human - Orla Gartland  
> 7.Walk Away - LANY  
> 8\. Powers - LOSTBOYCROW  
> 9\. Pieces (Hushed) - Andrew Belle  
> 10\. I was wrong - A R I Z O N A

_“She’s my sun I need her to keep me warm because without her I will become cold and I don’t think I could survive another Ice age.”_

* * *

Lauren’s POV

When I was little, home meant the house I drew in crayon on a white print paper, the one that was supposed to look like the place I lived in. Home meant where I came back to after school every day to eat my snack and do my school work. But now more and more I find that home is such a different concept. Home is not where I sleep most nights, it is not the house with a family who never talks. Not the place I pretend I’m fine and smile so they won’t hear the truth rattling my teeth. Home is the bookstore I go to every day after school to study and read. Home is my dog with her toothless grins and wagging tail. Home is all the music I listen to when I’m sad. Home is here; with you.

And right here, right now, with your brown eyes trained unto mine, confusion written in your face, I don’t know what to say.

She didn’t say anything. She just looked at me with her arms still folded.

I looked at Dinah and Normani who’s quietly observing us. “Hey guys.”

“Hey Laur.”

I looked at Camila again and she’s still wearing that confused look on her face.

“Hi Lauren” she told me.

“Hi Camila.” I said.

“Glad to know you’re still alive yeah?”

My heart stopped for a moment when I heard her words, I immediately looked at Mani who also had a look of surprise painted on her face, she glanced at me then subtly shook her head, that’s all I need to know.

“Um… wh- what are you talking about?” I told Camila, it came out hoarse so I cleared my throat.

“No! I mean- not like that.” her eyes went wide when she realized what she just said. “It’s just I tried to make a joke and it ended up badly, as always. Just- no it’s nothing. Forget it.” She said awkwardly but also tilting her head to the side thinking about something.

I am so unprepared for this, I don’t know what to say so I just looked at her.

We just looked at each other not knowing what to say. I took my time, after all these years she’s still beautiful. I was reminded of the feeling of when I saw her for the first time; she took my breath away and somehow I’m able to breathe at the same time.

After a few moments she’s looked away first and turned towards Dinah and Normani.

“Explain to me right now what you’re all doing.” she said to the both of them.

“You see Walz, we’re kind of tired of seeing both of you sad all the time. I mean we just wanted to help and we think you two should talk. You know, clear things out?” Dinah said then immediately followed by Normani

“Dinah’s right, we think that you two should talk. And we mean seriously talk. Not all things are better left unsaid.” I know that she’s directing those words to me. I mean, should I? I think she’s better off not knowing but I want her to know that it’s not her fault. Dinah ushered us into the table and sat down.

“What do you mean by that?” Camila asked her, sitting beside Dinah.

“Ask Lauren, maybe she knows something.” She replied, taking her own seat across from Dinah.

My eyes widened at the sudden attention and as Camila turned her attention from Normani, I did what I think is best.

“I don’t know.” I lied while avoiding her eyes and took my seat beside Normani.

“You don’t know? Or you don’t want everyone to know but yourself?” Normani said.

Damn. She really wanted me to tell Camila the truth. But now is not the right time. I said nothing as I subtly stepped on Normani’s foot, enough to get her to back down.

We sit there for a moment looking everywhere but to each other as Normani and Dinah talk for us.

They filled the silence between the table which is big enough so that both of us could talk without getting disturbed by Normani and Dinah who is having a conversation of their own.

“I guess we should talk then?” she spoke out of nowhere and all I can do is nod.

Another moment of silence has passed again before I decided that I should be the one to talk this time.

“Go on.” I said, still looking down at my joined hands where both of our rings are located.

“Uh... what?” she asked me confused.

Twisting the rings in my thumb not looking at her, again I said, “Go on. Shout. Scream. Anything. I know you’re mad at me.”

I took a glance at her and I can see that she’s looking down at my hands now; specifically the rings I’ve been twisting around my thumb the whole time.

I look down again and hid my hands away under the table.

She looked up abruptly and didn’t say anything for a while. I am preparing myself for a really hurtful speech but I am surprised when I get none of that.

“Can you please hand me the tissues over there?” she said.

“Oh? Okay.”

Camila is wiping the coffee stain on her laptop and I’m handing out tissues every now and then.

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

“Oh I have so much to say to you. I’m just not sure what, now that I’ve got the chance.”

Camila powered her laptop after wiping the coffee stains away from it. Turns out it still works but there’s some minor problems in the screen, its messed up specs showing up here and there.

As I watch Camila get frustrated because her laptop isn’t working properly, I can’t help but feel guilty over it. It’s technically my fault because I’m the one who spilled coffee on her laptop, even if it was an accident. So I have decided to help her in any way I can. By this time she found out that the keyboard isn’t functioning properly

“I’m sorry about the laptop.” I said to her intent on calming her down. But it did the complete opposite of it. It made her more irritated.

“Yeah, sure, because saying sorry fixes everything right?” she said.

“Well, I would gladly pay for it or I can buy you a new one right away. There’s a Mac store right on the third floor of this mall, we could go there if you want? ” I said, choosing my words carefully.

“No thanks.” She said irritably while pressing the keys on the keyboard harder.

“Oh, okay then. What do you want me to do?” I said hoping to calm her down. Bringing my hands on the table again then leaned across the table, assuming my business mode personality.

“Nothing. I don’t want you to do anything.” She said, looking down at my joined hands again.

Her tone is calm but from what I know, if she’s like that, she’s really mad. I haven’t done anything yet but here I am, trying to placate her.

It went on like that, I suggest something and she refuse. It went on for a while until she got tired of it. She put her hand on the table and leaned slightly to look at me in the eyes and spoke loudly, not enough for the other customers at the shop to hear but enough to cut off my next suggestion and also get Dinah and Normani’s attention.

“Don’t! just- don’t do anything.” Camila said loudly at first then at the end of her sentence it’s almost a whisper.

And that’s when it hit me, this is not about the laptop or the accident at all. This is about us and there’s nothing I can do but to apologize.

“For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.” I said, breaking off the silence again.

“As I’ve said before, saying sorry doesn’t fix everything, would your ‘sorry’ made any difference? Does it ever? It’s just a word. One word against a hurtful action.” She replied immediately returning her attention on her laptop. “Like this one, for example-”

I grew tired of her antics. She’s always like this when she’s mad, like the old times. She talks in metaphors. I have no time for it so I cut her off. I ignored what she said and returned my attention on the laptop.

“I’m sorry okay. I already apologized. Now will you just stop being a diva and let me help you?” I said, my temper getting the best of me.

Camila closed the lid of her laptop and said, “Do I have to spell it out for you? I don’t need your help.”

“Guys-“ Normani tried to talk to the both of us but it’s clear to see that her words were ignored.

I rolled my eyes and noticed that she is collecting her things.

“Where are you going?” I asked her.

“Away from you what else?” she replied hastily.

“Guys-“ Normani tried to get our attention again but failed, she turned to Dinah who now realized that maybe this ‘surprise’ isn’t good for us.

“C’mon, it’s just a laptop. I can buy you a new one right now let me just get my checkbook.” I know that what I’m saying is kind of mean because she likes to pay for her own and I know that what I’m saying will make her more mad at me but I can’t help what I’m saying at this point. I guess hindsight is 20/20 and my immaturity got the best of me.

She continued putting her things back on her bag and said, “No thanks. You caused me enough trouble already.”

“Wow, I can’t even… You’ve been gone for seven years and you’re still the childish person I thought you are.” I said.

Dinah tried to talk to us both this time. “Woah, woah, woah. That was uncalled for... Guys we’re friends here alright? Now-”

“Funny how that comes from you. I shouldn’t have come back here. If I only knew I would see you again.” She said with a sigh as she rub her temples and put her glasses away.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you used me, played me, lied to me... And then you left me hanging.” she said.

It did not take long for me to form a reply “What are you saying? I’ve never lied-“ but then I remembered what I did seven years ago when I broke up with her, even at this point I’m lying to her. I lied when she asked me what Normani is talking about. I can’t blame her, I did lied to her.

 I stood up abruptly. “You know what? I’m done.”

_It’s probably better off this way._

I walked away from her and made my way towards the exit but stopped when I heard her.

“Wow, doesn’t this look a little bit familiar?”

I know she’s talking about how I broke up with her. I said nothing, I just continued walking away.

“Oh, you’re walking out on me again.” She scoffed.

That made me stop on my tracks. I was about to face her but I saw her walk past me and said,

“Too bad. You don’t get to have the last word this time.”

* * *

 

I just watch her walk away from me. I have every intention to call her back and tell her my reasons, but I just can’t.

_It’s better off this way. I think. But I’m not so sure this time._

My gaze on her retreating back were cut off when I felt something hit my head.

Its Normani beating me up with her purse.

“What the fuck Normani!” I said giving her a dirty look while rubbing the spot where she hit my head.

“No, don’t you ‘what the fuck’ me! What. Is. That?!” she said to me as she again, repeatedly hit my arm with her purse for emphasis.

“Ouch! Mani! I’m serious, that hurt! The fuck?”

“No! I will not stop hitting you with my purse because you’re not using your brain! What are you thinking?”

“What? What- what do you mean?” I asked her, honestly surprised.

“For God’s sake Lauren! Can’t you see? She’s not over you! Eight years after you left, she’s still not over you. And it’s clear to see that you haven’t moved on from her yet. You still love her. Why can’t you just explain to her everything?” she told me.

“Seven.” I replied quietly.

“What?”

“Seven years, not eight.”

“Bitch don’t play with me, I’m tired of seeing you moping all the time. Why can’t you just tell her?”

I sighed, “It’s not that easy. It’s more complicated than that and you know it. It doesn’t matter, I’m okay.”

She sighed. “You’re doing it again.”

“What? It’s true. I’m fine”

“There! That thing! Self-sacrificing. It’s not good for you Lauren. I know that somewhere on your mind, there’s nothing you want more than to have her with you. She’s too much of a part of you for you to ever give her up.”

“Mani, please don’t make this any harder for me. I’m okay with it.”

Normani let out another sigh. Sometimes, having a conversation with Lauren could be so hard.

“Like I said; you’re not using your head, you’re using your heart.”

I scoffed. “That’s not how it works. The heart can’t think. Our emotions actually stem from our brains. So I’m still using my brain in a sense, it’s all just a matter of choice.”

“Don’t get technical on me now. You know what I’m talking about.”

I didn’t say anything. I want her to leave the subject alone.

“Read her books. And maybe you’ll change your mind.” I heard her say eventually.

I laughed, not in a sort of 'I am laughing because I find something funny' but more of 'I am laughing to hide the fact that I’m crying every night.' a laugh full of pain.

“What difference will it make?”

“Everything.”

* * *

 

Camila’s POV

At the other end of the mall, a similar conversation is happening between Camila and Dinah.

 “I can’t believe it Dinah! Why would you and Normani do that?!” I said to her while walking towards the exit.

“We did that for the both of you!”

“How do you say so?”

“Like we’ve said earlier, we don’t want to see you sad anymore.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have bothered.”

“Mila it’s not too late to turn back and talk to her. Just- please talk to her.”

“Bullshit Dinah! I don’t want to go back there.”

Dinah sighed, this is going to be harder than she thought.

“Mila, I know you want answers. Talk to her.”

I said nothing and continued walking.

“Mila, I know you’re mad at us but please understand that we did it for the both of you.” Dinah explained.

“Dinah, don’t. Honestly what the fuck are you and Normani thinking? Did you really think that just because we’ll see each other again, everything will work out? That’s not how this works Dinah. She left me, I was in pain, to the point that I kind of lost myself. I think I did actually. Don’t. Just don’t.”

Dinah, tired of Camila’s antics, began to call her out. “Camila, I love you, but right now I want to give you a beat down. Don’t be dense Camila! If you just took the time to listen to what she has to say maybe you’ll know why she left you in the first place! And just because your pain is understandable doesn’t mean your behavior is acceptable. You’re being downright rude to her, even to me.”

I slowed my pace and sighed, “I’m sorry, I was just surprised. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“I get it, Normani and I didn’t mean to pry on your lives but as your best friend I won’t let you waste away like that. Just give Lauren a chance? I’m not saying that you go after her and forgive her right away then get married and do cute shits together. What I’m saying is, just give her a chance to explain herself? And maybe you’ll understand why she did it in the first place.”

“I know, but it’s just hard you know? Seven years. I’ve waited for seven years and she didn’t even made any attempt to talk to me. And just right after I made the decision to stop torturing myself and try to get over her, she came crashing back into my life.”

“You know, if there’s one thing I’ve observed from Lauren earlier, it’s that she still loves you.”

“How do you say that? When she’s the one who left me in the first place.”

“I just know.”

“You just know?” I said slowly to let her know that I don’t believe her.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Then don’t. I’m not trying to convince you, I’m just saying out loud what I saw back there.”

“I- what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that she still loves you.”

“You know, there are different kinds of love in this world,” I looked at her before continuing, “But never the same love twice.”

We are now at the entrance of the mall where Ally would come by and pick us up. We’re waiting in silence, but not for long.

“You know Camila,” I looked up at her, she never called me by my full name unless she have something serious to say. “It’s sad because she’s always going to love you. And everyone knows it but you. Sometimes, you don’t need words to say I love you. You can see it in the eyes. The eyes never lie.”

* * *

 

_Flashback_

_2 nd Year College_

_“Hey Camz!”_

_I looked up from my laptop and see that Lauren is now back at our apartment. Technically it’s hers but she said it’s ours and I just went with it._

_“Hi Lo!” I kissed her cheek in greeting as she went over to the couch I’m in and put me into a tight hug from behind. “It’s only 9 pm. Where’s Mani and Dinah? I thought you three went clubbing?”_

_“They’re both still there. I went back early because you’re not there,” She said, now putting her chin in my shoulder. “And they’ve got a spare key so don’t worry babe. They said they’ll be back later.”_

_I laughed, not because of her words, but on how she said it, I was endeared by it all the same._

_“You’re drunk.” I replied, putting my hands above hers that are resting on my waist._

_“A little. But you, you’re beautiful,” she said now putting her arms around me, giving me a light squeeze. “And tomorrow, I’ll be sober, and you’re still beautiful.” She said, now almost falling asleep. My heart burst into seams every time she talk like that. I can’t help but fall for her even more._

_We lay on the couch for a while in silence, it was broke off when she spoke again._

_“I’m going to marry you one day you know?”_

_“Is that a promise?” I said, giving her hand a light squeeze. How did I get so lucky?_

_“If you want it to be.” she drawled out, falling asleep._

_“Lo?” I called out softly._

_“Shhhh,” she said as she fall asleep on me burying her face further on my neck. “I’m sleeping.”_

_“C’mon, let’s go to bed.” I said as I face her, running the back of my hand on her cheeks._

_She opened her eyes and I was met by her all familiar piercing green eyes. Damn… those eyes can make me do anything._

_“Okay. Let’s go babe.” She said tiredly while standing up and pulled me towards our bedroom._

_After we both settled in in our bed facing each other, Lauren spoke again._

_“You know that I’m serious right?”_

_“I know.”_

_“You know that I love you right?”_

_I looked into her eyes this time and told her, “I know, and I love you too. So much.” I brought my forehead against hers and closed my eyes._

_“You know I’ll say yes when you ask right?” I told her this time._

_“I know. But is that a promise?” she asked me._

_I opened my eyes this time and let her see my emotions through it. I repeated what she told me earlier._

_“If you want it to be.” I said softly, letting our noses bump against each other._

_As I wrap my arms around her and watch her as she fall asleep, I think to myself again, how did I get so lucky?_

_End of Flashback_

* * *

I was brought out of my reverie when I heard Ally calling us. I looked at Dinah who’s already walking towards Ally and greeting her with enthusiasm.

“Yo smallz! Long time no see!”

“Hi biggie! Yeah, It’s been a while. How are you?”

“Your nicknames are shit, but it’s cute.” I said as I walked over to them smiling.

“Don’t listen to her Ally, she’s just jealous.”

Ally let out a laugh, “Yeah. So did you all have fun?”

I laughed ironically. “Yeah, loads of fun.”

Ally raised her eyebrows to the both of us. “I detect sarcasm.”

“It was my intention.” I replied.

“C’mon we’ll tell you in the car.” Dinah said and ushered us towards the car.

 

After Ally is updated in everything she went silent for a while thinking on what she has to say.

“Mila, do you want to know what I think?”

“Sure.”

“I think that you’re scared.”

“Of course I’m scared.”

“And that’s the problem,” She continued. “As you get older you will learn there are some things you really don’t need to overthink. Just take it on faith.”

“Oh, so we’re onto more concrete faiths now?”

“Mila, just trust us on this one okay?” I looked at Dinah and gave her a skeptical look.

“I don’t know...”

“See? You’re scared. It’s high time you take risks you know; if you’ll always stay in your safe zone, life will be boring, plain black and white. You used to do it, living a worry free life. But now…”

“That’s the thing Dinah, I used too. People change. Especially when they get hurt.”

“You know Camila, its okay to be scared. But think about it, if you’ll be scared your whole life it will all become monotonous. Just an endless chore thinking when will it end? Life is made when you take risks and hope that it will be okay. To hope is to risk pain, to try is to risk failure and disappointment, but risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all.”

“Damn Ally since when did you become philosophical?” Dinah said, trying to lighten the mood in the car.

Ally laughed. “Well, if you’re always with this girl right here,” she bumped my shoulder. “You’ll pick up something here and there.”

“So… are you willing to talk to her?” Dinah asked me. “Like really talk to her.”

I folded my arms thinking about it. Risk. Should I take risks or just let it be?

“Alright. I’ll talk to her.” I said eventually as curiosity got the best of me. I need to know why. Why she left me. Is it my fault?

“Okay then, I’ll let Mani know.” Dinah said pulling her phone out to text Normani.

“And one more thing,” I said to her. “I want you to replace my laptop.”

She sighed. “Fine. It’s my fault anyways, I was kind of surprised when Lauren offered to pay for it.”

After that I let Dinah and Ally talk. I’ve had my fair share of conversations for today. I need time to think by myself. After all, I’ll have that talk with Lauren. I am more prepared for it in this case though.

I just want to ask her what’s always been at the back of my mind. Why? Why did she leave me in the first place? At first, I thought she got tired of me. But when I heard about Chris, I know it’s not that at all. What’s her reason? Or better yet, knowing that it’s Lauren, what are her reasons? All I can do is wonder. Because I thought I’ll never get the chance to ask her, but it’s different this time.

I want to ask her so many questions. Is it my fault? Is it hers? Who knows? Lauren’s way of thinking can be so complex sometimes. You think she’s doing this because of this but the truth is it’s more than that. I don’t know, all I can do is wonder for now, after all, the unanswered mystery is what stays with us the longest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back! i just got my internet back so i'm sorry for the late update :) X


	4. Do you want to know? (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: The majority of this chapter are flashbacks in different point of views.**

**Flashback**

Normani’s POV

  
7 years ago

A few hours ago, Ally came in here knocking wildly on the door asking us if we’ve seen our phones. My phone is in my room so I have no idea on what she’s talking about.

  
“Hold on, I haven’t checked my phone yet.” Dinah answered from the couch as I let Ally enter the apartment.

  
“Me too. Hold on, I’ll get my phone. “ I told her as I make my way into my room.

  
I unplugged my phone from the dock and check my notifications, the only thing that caught my attention in the moment is Lauren’s text message. I opened it immediately as I make my way back to the living room.

  
“I am so sorry. Please, please, take care of her for me.”

  
After reading the message I was mostly confused. What did she mean by that?

  
“Did y’all get the same text message?” I asked the other two who’s waiting on the couch, the three of us are anxious on what happened between Lauren and Camila.

  
“Yes.” Dinah answered.

  
“Do you all know what she meant?” Ally asked, referring on Lauren’s text message.

  
“I honestly don’t know.” I told them.

  
“Me neither, and aren’t they out together?” Dinah said.

  
“Yeah.” I said.

  
“Well, all we can do is wait here. I’ve tried calling both of them earlier and they’re not answering.”

And that we did. It’s been three hours now and we’re getting anxious the more time has passed. It’s raining heavily today and the three of us are debating if we should look for Lauren and Camila.

  
And it turns out that we didn’t have to, Camila arrived dripping from the rain, but that’s not the reason why we immediately rushed to her.

  
She looked like she went to hell and back. She looked dead, she’s shivering from the cold, her lips are blue, her eyes are red and I can tell that she’s been crying.

  
Did Lauren do this?

  
“What the fuck happened to you?! “ Dinah immediately took her role as a best friend and grabbed some towels and wrapped it around Camila.

  
“I’ll ready your warm bath, so you won’t get sick.” I volunteered, wanting to make her feel better.

  
“I’ll heat some water and make you some coffee okay?” Ally immediately told Camila.

  
“No!” Camila told her, it came out hoarse and so she cleared her throat. All three of us stopped what we’re doing and just looked at her.

  
“I mean, I’ve had enough of coffee. Would it be okay for you to make a tea instead?” she told Ally quietly.

  
I raised my eyebrows and looked at Dinah who’s sporting the same expression as I am. She doesn’t like hot tea, she prefers her tea cold with a bunch of flavors in it.

Ally looked at her for a few moments before she replied, “Okay then, and would you like some cookies with it?”

  
“Sure.” She said, back on her monotonous state.

  
“You should take your warm bath first Mila, you’ll get a cold.” I said to her.

  
“Okay.” She replied.

  
At this point I became so worried. What happened to our friend? What happened to our lively Camila?

  
What happened?

  
Dinah and I guided Camila’s still shivering form even if she’s wrapped up in blankets to the bathroom.

  
I readied a warm bath for her, and we left her there, giving her some privacy.

  
“We’ll be right outside the door okay?” Dinah told her, she hugged Camila and I joined them, wanting to provide comfort for our friend.

End of Normani’s POV

* * *

  
Camila’s POV

  
I stayed there in the warm bath until it got cold. That’s how I want it, the cold biting back in my skin, leaving me numb.

  
I heard a knock on the door and decided to get out of the bath tub. I made myself look presentable as best as I could and opened the door.

  
Normani and Dinah are both waiting for me outside, both of them immediately guided me towards the living room and made me sit down on the couch in between them.

  
As soon as we sat down Ally came in and brought me the tea and cookies.

  
“Here’s some sugar in case you don’t like the taste.”

  
I just nodded and proceeded to drink it.

  
Bitter. But nevertheless, I continued to drink it. I’ll get used to it.

I didn’t realize that I’ve actually finished my tea when Normani broke me out of my reverie.

  
“So… what happened girl? And where’s Laur?”

  
“I don’t know.” I answered, my eyes wondering around the room, until I found the bedroom door of Lauren and I. I fixed my gaze and just burned a hole through it.

  
“What do you mean you don’t know?”

  
“I don’t know.”

  
“Surely you must’ve known someth-“ Normani continued but I cut her off.

  
“She broke up with me.”

  
The three of them looked at me in surprise and disbelief. Dinah was the first one to blink back her surprise, anger getting evident in her face as time pass.

  
“What?! I can’t believe she did that!”

  
“It’s no use Dinah. Save your anger. She won’t come back.”

  
“But-“

  
It’s Ally’s turn to speak this time. She put her hands on Dinah’s shoulder in an attempt to calm her down.

“Wait. You won’t do anything about it? Have you tried calling her?”

“What good will it do? She made it clear already. She doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.”

  
“I- I don’t know.”

  
I looked at Normani who’s wearing a blank look on her face. I can tell that she’s thinking.

  
“I’m sorry Mila. You know Lauren’s my best friend but I didn’t know… If I did I would’ve smacked some sense into her.”

  
That brought out a small smile into my face.

  
“It’s not your fault.” My voice is still hoarse and I would just like to wallow and sleep but it’s the least I can do for them.

  
After a few moments the three of them decided to stay with me for tonight, it turned into an impromptu movie sleepover.

  
They bought everything that they thought would cheer me up. Ice cream, cookies, pizza, even Normani gave me some of her chicken wings.

  
As the night progresses and everyone slowly lulls into sleep, my mind went back to that one person that these three tried to help me forget.

  
_Lauren._

  
Ally’s words earlier echoed in my mind, and I guess it’s not a good decision but there’s nothing that I can’t do. She left me, if I could I won’t let her go, but I have no choice in the matter it seems.

  
So I’m setting her free; maybe, she’ll come back to me. I’ll be here waiting; hopelessly.

* * *

  
2 days after

“Camila, I think it’s better if you go back to your parents’ home. Staying here in the apartment the three of us share with Lauren won’t do you any good.”

  
“I happen to agree with Normani. Why don’t you make yourself busy? Continue writing your book?”

  
I didn’t have the heart to tell them that the book is already finished, I was supposed to surprise Lauren with it. I wanted her to be the first one to know. But now, I got the first published copy hidden in the very back of the closet I share with Lauren. Come to think of it, she didn’t pack any of her clothes at all. All of it are still there neatly folded and properly arranged.

  
“Hey Chancho! Stop spacing out!” Dinah nudging me by my shoulder.

  
“I’m sorry what?” I can’t deny it. I forgot what they’re talking about.

  
“The book that you’re writing? Is it finished yet?” Normani repeated Dinah’s question for me.

  
“Yeah it is. I was supposed to tell her that night actually. But… yeah.” I said, not knowing how to continue anymore.

  
“Oh.” Dinah said.

  
“When will it be released?” Normani continued.

  
“I honestly don’t know. I’ll have to ask Ally about it, she’s my editor in chief and my publicist, she knows her way around those things. But as far as I now, there is no final date set for the book’s release.”

  
“What’s the title of the book again?” Dinah asked this time. I looked at her pointedly. “I’m sorry! You know how I am with books! I can’t believe I got myself a best friend for a writer when I get bored easily when it comes to reading books.”

  
I laughed a little. “You and I both.”

  
“Now I’m confused. Hold up, you just happened to agree with Dinah.” Normani said.

  
I laughed again, “No! I’m sorry! The title of the book is You and I Both. But I also happen to agree with her.”

  
“You and I both?” Normani asked for confirmation.

  
“Yeah.”

  
“Why is it ‘You and I both’?” Dinah asked curiously.

  
“You’ll just have to read it I guess.” I said, teasing her.

  
“Now that’s not fair!”

  
“I know.” I replied with a smile.

  
As our conversation wind down, I let the both of them talk to each other. I just listened to what they have to say. After a while, I let my eyes randomly check out the things in the living room; remembering when I got it. But when my eyes trained unto the open door of Dinah’s bedroom, it made me…

  
It made me think of her.

  
“She hates open doors.” I suddenly blurted out loud.

  
Normani and Dinah stopped their conversation and looked at me like I’m crazy.

  
“What?” Dinah asked. “Girl, what are you talking about?”

  
I looked at them and repeated. “She hates open doors.”

  
They still didn’t understand. I rolled my eyes and repeated myself.

  
“Lauren. Lauren hates open doors.”

  
They sighed. I know that I’m supposed to get over her but when even the little things remind me of her, I don’t know how to.

  
“I can’t believe I almost forgot what I said earlier, but Camila, I think it’s better if you go back to your parents’ home. Staying here in the apartment the three of us share with Lauren won’t do you any good.”

  
“Yeah just like what Normani said, and there’s no need to worry about classes, the semester break is almost here.” Dinah continued.

  
I thought about it, maybe it will do me good to be away from our… I mean her apartment for a while.

* * *

  
It’s super early in the morning and I’m in the departure area of Miami International Airport with my family, Dinah and Normani who wanted to see Ally and I off to Boston. After I told them that I want to move upstate and finish my last semester of my final year in some University there, I was glad that they understood. I was expecting a little mishap because all of them are pretty protective but there are no disagreements at all.

  
“Are you sure that everything you need is packed Mija? You haven’t forgotten anything did you?” My mom questioned repeatedly.

  
“Mija don’t hesitate to call us if you need anything okay?” My dad said.

  
“Call us when you have the time okay?” Sofi, my little sister, said this time.

  
“Mom, Dad, Sofi. I’m good. Everything is here okay? Don’t worry. I’ll call when we land.” Giving them a wave and a sad smile.

  
When our fight is called for boarding, Ally and I stood and said our goodbyes to everyone.

  
“You promise that you’ll come back?” Sofia asked me.

  
My need to get away from this state was hold off for a moment because of her. I knelt down on her level and hugged her tightly.

  
“I can’t promise that Sofia. You know what they say about promises right? But I sure will try okay?” I told her.

  
“Okay.”

  
“Don’t be sad alright? Besides, If I can’t visit down here, you can always come visit me.” I said, now directing my words to all of them.

  
_Calling all passengers for the Flight 1432 to Boston, to gate 3 please._

The announcement made our goodbyes short, I said one last hurried goodbyes to every one of them before we hurry towards gate three.

Strange as it seems, I thought I caught a glimpse of Lauren in the Arrival area. But I know that it’s just wishful thinking.

Maybe I’m going crazy.

End of Camila’s POV

* * *

  
Lauren’s POV

  
I just got back from Columbia where Chris got buried, Taylor is with me while both of our parents went back to work already. So fucking shitty. But I guess it’s just their way on how they cope. I understand, that’s what I plan to do too. Keep yourself busy that you won’t have time to think.

  
“So, it’s just the two of us. Wait. That felt weird to say.” Taylor said.

  
“Yeah, usually it’s the three of us.” I replied.

  
“Chris, that ugly fucker. So, what now?” Taylor said.

  
“We’ll continue College, graduate, then go to work until we die.” I said to her while walking towards the exit.

  
“Well, that doesn’t sound depressing at all.” She said sarcastically.

  
“Because it’s not.” I replied with my own sarcasm, putting my own aviators to protect my eyes from the Miami sun.

  
“Really? Because it sure does.”

  
“Well, if you’re lucky enough, you’ll find someone you’ll spend the rest of your life with to make it all bearable.” I tried to put some positivity in my words earlier.

  
All of a sudden, she changed topic. “What about Mila?”

  
“What about her?” I said, maintaining an unreadable expression, keeping off the surprise look in my face. I was kind of glad that I’m wearing my sunglasses right now.

  
“You’re not gonna do anything about her?” she asked.

  
“I- I don’t know.”

  
“Think about it Lo, it’s not every day you come across with someone like Camila. That girl is special.”

  
“I know.” I slowed down my footsteps.

  
“You’re so lucky you know?”

  
I gave her a sad smile. “I know.”

  
“Then what are you still doing here? Run off to her!”

  
“I can’t do that.”

  
“And that’s what I don’t get. You love her, but you left her. That’s one big fucking paradox.”

  
“I’m sorry but I can’t tell you.” I said to her, it pains me but I really can’t tell her.

  
“Idiot. You’re an idiot.” She replied, while shaking her head.

  
“I know.” I agreed. She smirked at me and I raised my eyebrows, “And that’s the only time you’ll ever hear me say that.”

  
“Fucking idiot.” She teased.

  
Our banter was cut off when I heard a familiar voice call me.

  
“Lolo!”

  
I stopped for a second because only Camila have the guts to call me that. Besides my family of course.

  
I looked around for a second before I saw someone running towards me. It’s Sofia. Shit. Is Camila here? What are they doing here?

  
But I didn’t have the time to think more about it because Sofia came crashing towards me and made me lose my balance a little.

  
“Lolo! I can’t believe you’re here! Are you going to follow Kaki?”

  
“Wait? What? Where’s Camila going?” I asked her.

  
“I can’t remember. But it’s somewhere in Boss- Boss- Boston! Yeah. She’s going to Boston to finish her study there.” She said.

  
I looked at Taylor, who raised her eyebrows and smirked at me. She looked around for the signboard and pointed at it.

  
I looked at it and it says that the flight is just boarding. I still have time if I make a run for it.

  
I looked at Sofia again and noticed that nobody is with her. “Sofia? Where’s Sinu and Ale?”

  
“Oh.” That’s when she realized that she lost them.

  
“Sofi? Who’s with you?” I asked her again, kneeling down to her level.

  
“I’m here with mami and papi. But, Dinah and Normani is also here with us to say goodbye to kaki and Ally.”

  
“What will they do there? And for how long?” Taylor asked Sofi this time.

  
“I’m not sure Tay, but Kaki said that she’ll be there to finish her school. Then get right to work.”

  
“Sounds like she wanted to get away right?” she nudged me by my shoulder.

  
I ignored her for a moment and focused solely on Sofia, her striking similarities with her sister makes me want to hop on that plane and be with her. But I know that I can’t. This is for her own good.

  
“Sofi we’ll find them okay? What are you doing running off from them anyway?”

  
“I- I saw you. And I didn’t realize that I didn’t say anything to them before I leave.” She said, looking down at her shoes.

  
I raised her head with her chin and hugged her tightly. “Don’t worry. We’ll find them okay?”

  
“Okay.”

  
Taylor tapped me on my shoulder. “Hey, about Camila, are you sure about that?”

  
“I am.” I lied.

  
“You left her not just because of mom isn’t it?” Taylor told me bluntly.

  
I froze for a second. I stood up from Sofia’s embrace and I held her hand. I took my aviators off and rest them in my head. I took my time in answering her question. But I know she won’t just let it go.

  
“Glad to know that you’re catching up yeah?”

  
“Called it!” she yelled.

  
I laughed, “Yeah, yeah, I’m not going to tell you anything. Maybe later.”

  
“Fair enough. I’ll let it go.” She looked at me pointedly before saying, “For now.”

  
“But if I ever found out that you cheated, I’mma have to beat you up. She’s future sister-in-law material you know. Oh, I’m sorry let me back that up, we’re about to be sisters-in-law but you broke it off.”

  
“Whoa wait just a minute. I didn’t cheat on her okay? I would never do that. It’s something else entirely. She’s it for me you know?”

  
“You know Lo? I hope I’d find a love like yours and kaki, and also mami’s and papi’s.” Sofi told me happily.

  
“A love like what Sofi?” I asked her softly.

  
“A love like… Yours and Kaki. You look at her like magic.” She described.

  
“I look at her like magic? How?” I asked her.

  
“It’s just uh… there’s something in the way you look at her. Its like she’s your world.”

  
“To tell you the truth Sofi, she is not my world.” I said to her.

  
“Then what is she to you?” she asked, with curiosity, eyebrows furrowed.

  
“She’s my sun.”

  
“Your sun?” Asking for explanation.

  
“My sun. When I’m with her, everything seems to be brighter.”

  
“You know what Lo?” she said quietly, looking directly in my eyes.

  
“What Sofi?” I replied softly.

  
“She looks at you like that to.”

  
“Wait. Does she know?” Taylor asked.

  
“I don’t know. But, I guess not.”

  
“Wait what do I know?” Sofia asked us.

  
“Nothing important.” Taylor turned her gaze from me to Sofi then smiled, “Let’s find Ale and Sinu, yeah?

  
“Considering Camila’s going to Boston, maybe they’re in the departure area?” I told Taylor and walking over there which is not that far from where we are.

  
We’re going around in circles trying to find Alejandro and Sinu with Normani and Dinah but we still can’t. How big can this airport get?

  
“I’m so fu-“ I nudged her before she could go any further. “Freak! I am so freaking tired.”

  
I laughed at her antics before we heard someone shouting for Sofia.

  
“Sofi! Mija!” I turned around and saw Alejandro and Sinu jogging towards us, both of them are wearing a worried look on their face.

  
“Sofi, what do you say?” I asked her quietly.

  
“I’m sorry mami and papi for running off without telling you. It’s just I saw Lauren and Taylor!”

  
And both of them then realized that Sofi is actually with me and my sister.

  
I expect them to be mad. They have the right to be. I broke their daughter’s heart. But they did the complete opposite.

  
Sinu pulled me into a hug then after her, Alejandro rest his hands on my shoulder and put me into a side hug.

  
“Lauren, Taylor, thank you so much for taking care of Sofia. And we offer our condolences.” Sinu said.

  
“It’s really not a problem Sinu we’re just glad that we’re the one who got her first before anyone else can.” Taylor replied.

  
I don’t know what to say besides apologizing, so that’s what I did.

  
“Ale… Sinu… it’s just. I’m sorry. For what I did. I love her with all of my being. But I left her. And you’re probably wondering why but I can’t tell you right now. Even Taylor don’t know why.” I really wish that I can tell them but it’s not yet definite. I need a second or third opinion for this matter.

  
“It’s okay. We understand.” Sinu pulled me into a tight hug brushing off a tear going down my face.

  
“Hey Sinu we’re sorry but we can’t find her anywhere. Should we call someone?” Taking out their phones dialing some numbers.

  
As soon as I heard Dinah and Normani, I know that I’m in deep shit. They won’t be like Sinu and Ale, they won’t accept that I can’t tell them why for the time being but I have to try.

  
“It’s okay girls, Lauren found her.” Alejandro said to them. That snapped their attention from their phone and looked up with mixed emotions. Both of them surprised, but I can tell that they’re mad.

  
I know that they want to talk to me alone so I asked Taylor to take the Cabello’s into some restaurant in the airport.

  
“Hey Tay, why don’t you and Sofi with Ale and Sinu get something to eat? We’ll be right behind you.” I looked at them, pleading them to go before shits are about to go down.

  
“Are you sure?” Taylor asked me.

  
“Yeah.”

  
I looked down to Sofi and told her, “I’ll see you later Sofi alright?” then I looked up to her parents and silently thanked them. “I’ll call you guys okay?” they nodded and gave me one last hug before going with Taylor.

  
And here comes the hard part.

  
“Why don’t we go somewhere more secluded?” I asked them, noting that we’re in the middle of the way.

  
“Sure.” Normani said.

  
I went to a nearby area where you can see the passengers boarding the plane through a glass wall. I looked over it for a second and waited for them to approach.

  
“I know that you’ve got questions, but let me explain first.” I said to them.

  
“I know that you’re mad at me because of what I did but it’s not my intention to hurt Camila.”

  
“Bullshit.” Dinah cut off.

  
“Okay, probably, but I did it for her.”

  
“No. You did it for your own convenience. You broke things off with her because you’re selfish.” Dinah said.

  
I just let her say those things to me, I just let her get it all out. I understand. I broke her best friend’s heart.

  
“Listen Dinah, I know you want answers. But I can’t give it to you.” I started again.

  
“What do you mean you can’t?” she cut off.

  
“I can’t. At least, not right now.” I continued.

  
“And when will you tell us?” Normani asked this time.

  
“I- I can’t say.” I replied, looking down, because I can’t say anything to them without revealing things.

  
“What kind of bullshit answer is that?” Dinah said.

  
“Dinah, please understand-“ I started.

  
“Then make me! Because I can’t bare the fact that I saw my best friend look so life less because of you!”

  
Some people are looking at us now because Dinah is yelling profanities left and right. I don’t have the heart to tell her that she is making a scene, because her actions are understandable. It’s my fault.

All mine.

 

End of Lauren’s POV

* * *

  
Dinah’s POV

“Hey DJ, lower your voice okay?” Normani said.

  
I just nodded. Debating on whether I should say something or not.

  
“Why don’t you go follow the rest? Cool yourself down?” Normani suggested.

  
“Sure. I better do that. Before I do some things I’ll probably regret.”

  
I walked off angrily from the two of them and followed Taylor and the Cabello’s.

  
I looked back to them to see what they’re talking about but what I saw made me stop.

  
Normani looked like she had seen a ghost and she’s in tears and Lauren’s crying. Openly. She doesn’t cry in public unless it’s really hurting her.

  
I guess I shouldn’t do anything rash because I really didn’t know anything.

  
I want to go back there and provide comfort. Because no matter what, Lauren is still my friend, but I’ll just let them be, Lauren needs her best friend, just like I should’ve been with Camila. I felt like I didn’t do much. It sucks to see your best friend waste away like that. And I know that the only person who can take away her pain is also the cause of her heartbreak. And it fucking sucks because Lauren is not in my good list right now.

I went inside the restaurant that Taylor chose and took my seat.

“Is it mad out there?” Taylor questioned.

“It would be if I’m there.” I said.

Taylor chuckled. “Believe me, I know. She’s stubborn as fuck. She’s not telling me anything either. Well besides-“ her words died down when she saw Lauren and Normani approaching.

I know that I’ve seen them cry earlier, but it’s not evident anymore.

All of us are eating our own choice of food in the menu and when Sofi and Taylor finished their meal, she announced that she’s going to take Sofi for some ice cream.

After a few moments Lauren spoke.

“I know you all wanted to know why I left her, and I guess I’ll tell you some of the reasons.”

“Some? I mean there is more than one?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I’m sure you all know what happened to Chris,” The people left in the table nodded. “That’s one reason.”

“What does it have to do with Chris?” I asked. “No offense.”

“You all know that our mom is too controlling. I suggested to Chris that he should take a vacation in Sweden and let him relax because of all the pressure mom had put him.

He’s supposed to manage the family company but… yeah…” She looked at us directly. “And you’re already aware that mom isn’t favor of Camila and my “ways” as she so called it. So she blackmailed me.”

We blinked back in surprise. Except for Normani who seems to know already. Lauren must’ve told her earlier.

“What did she say?” Anger evident in my voice.

Lauren took a deep breath before saying anything. “She threatened to buy off the publishing company that Camila is working with. She threatened to not let her book published.”

“What the fuck?!” I said outrageously. “Who does she think she is?” I said to everyone in the table. “I’m going to give her a poly-beat down when I see her next time.”

“You know, I’m starting to think that I want to help you with that.” Normani said.

“You know guys? I’ve had the similar reaction as you all are when she told me that.” Lauren chuckled bitterly.

“Ladies, please let’s not make any rash decisions. Let’s try to have some peace.” Sinu said to the three of us.

“Sinu is right. Hate isn’t the cure to stop hate. Instead it will generate more hate.” Alejandro said to us.

“Okay. I’m calm. Continue.” I said to Lauren.

“I’m really sorry. I have no choice at the matter. Until I take over the company, I really have no choice.”

Normani looked at Lauren sharply when she told us that. Something is off. But I’ve decided to let it go.

  
“So here’s what we’ll gonna do, there’s only 5 more months until we get our degrees right? So Lauren, you better get that degree, graduate and take over the damn company and get Camila back okay? I’ll call her when she lands to let her know.” I said to her.

  
“No!” Lauren said to me. “Please don’t tell her yet.” She continued.

  
“And why is that?” Sinu asked curiously.

  
“I want it to be me. I want to explain things to her personally.” She said.

“Okay then.” I replied. “Hey, there’s still two weeks left on our semester break, you can catch a flight to Boston and tell her right away.” I said to her, I want her to explain things to Camila. I just don’t want to see my best friend hurting anymore.

“I’ll get to that but it’s-” She began but she got cut off by Sofia and Taylor.

“Hey guys! Taylor got me Ice cream.”

“Is everything okay now?” Taylor asked.

“Um... Yeah. I think so.” I said, even though I wanted to know what Lauren wanted to tell us before she got cut off.

“So, we better head back now Lauren, Mom’s calling for us.” Taylor said to Lauren.

“Sorry guys, but we gotta head back. This is all on me okay? Again, thank you for understanding. I really am sorry.”

“We already told you Laur, it’s fine. Besides, it’s not us who you really should apologize to. And I guess we should start heading back too don’t you think?” Alejandro said to us.

“Yeah I’m tired. I’ve had one heck of a day. So I think I should get some z’s in.” I said. “Hey Laur, is it still okay to go to your apartment? I mean it’s yours and Camila’s not there anymore so there’s no point in letting me go there.”

 

“What are you thinking Dinah? Of course! You’re my friend you know?”

“Well I’m just checking.”

“Take care guys! Bye Sofi!” Lauren said.

“Bye Lolo!”

And with that, Taylor and Lauren left.

“Well, I certainly didn’t expect that one.” Sinu said.

“Me neither.” Alejandro replied.

“It’s probably best to head back home guys, it’s getting late already.” I told them.

“Yeah.” Normani replied.

I can’t point it out but something is wrong with her. Something’s bothering her. I’ve decided to not pry into her business and just let her be. I didn’t think much of it because I was too excited to call Camila.

End of Dinah’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next part will be posted next weekend or monday. I posted this because i'm able to find time to write this chapter and didn't realize that it's already 5K words. Sorry for not updating frequently, i am drowning in university projects and homeworks lately (seriously, i just wanna sleep forever).


	5. You're like a firework show. (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so jut a heads up, this is the part 2 of the last chapter and i'm so freaking sorry because it's short as fuck. please understand that i'm literally crying over my thesis so i decided to continue this. lol. seriously tho. sem break is almost here so i'll be able to write more guys!
> 
>  
> 
> **this is still a flashback**

Camila’s POV

 

6 Months Later

I am currently standing in the balcony of some apartment where our New Year’s party were being held. I am not much for parties but I can’t get my way out of this one. My book has been acclaimed as the #1 best seller just after I released it so we are celebrating it while also counting down for the New Year.

My book has been published right after I moved to Boston, even though my time is consumed and my schedule is full. It’s still a good thing for me, it helps when you have so much to do that you are rushed and you have no time to think and just do whatever you are supposed to do. I keep myself busy these days, it’s easier to live in constant distractions, a distraction to keep myself away from my thoughts.

“I know Mami and I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner it’s just-“ I began to say through the phone.

“No Mija. I’m really disappointed in you. It’s almost New Year’s Eve and she’s still waiting for you. I won’t let this go easily than the last time, you didn’t come back here last Christmas and thanksgiving. You promised that you’ll be here before New Year but you’re not. So no, I won’t let this go easily. Sofi really wanted to see you. She misses her sister. We miss you.”

I sighed. I hate it when Sofi is upset.

“Can I please talk to her? I’m really sorry mami.”

The other line went quiet for a minute before I hear Sofi’s voice.

“Kaki?” her voice is shaky and I can tell that she’s crying. I felt guiltier than before after hearing her voice.

“Sofi?” I said fighting off my tears to speak properly.

“When will you come back?”

“I- I don’t know Sofi, but I’ll try to go there as soon as possible okay? I’m sorry Sof.”

“It’s okay. Just go here already we miss you!”

“I miss you too.” I said through the phone now tears streaming down my face freely.

“Promise me please.”

“I promise I’ll go there as soon as I can. Love you Sofi.”

“Love you too.”

After the phone call, I just passed time watching people down on the streets having their good time, it’s not like I have much better things to do.

I checked my watch and saw that it’s 5 minutes until midnight, I’m not feeling the festivities inside so I stayed here in the balcony. It’s not that cold so I can bare it.

Now that I have the time to think, I can’t help but let my thoughts wander around. I didn’t imagine that I would be here without her. It’s crazy to think that I would be here without her because for the past 3 years, I celebrated this with Lauren and my family.

I looked at my watch again. 2 minutes before midnight.

How long can this shit last?

I just want to go back to my apartment already. I am in no mood for festivities. Why did I agreed to this again?

30

29

28

I just noticed that everyone’s counting down to midnight, I tried to join them but really,

What’s the fucking point?

Nothing really matters anymore.

27

26

25

I looked down and took my phone out when I felt it buzzing.

It’s just friends wishing Happy New Year’s.

I turned off my phone. It’s not like there’s someone important calling me. I already called Sofi and my parents.

24

23

22

21

If you were here we’ll still do things we used to do.

20

19

18

17

I just don’t know what happened.

16

15

14

I just know that you’re not with me anymore.

13

12

11

How long can this countdown get for fucks sake?

10

9

8

When did it all went spiraling down?

7

6

5

Did I do something wrong?

4

3

2

And that’s when the fireworks go off. All the people are celebrating, some lovers below going for the traditional first kiss, and some singing the Auld Lang Syne.

I just stood there watching the fireworks go off and being replaced by another being set off.

It’s been six months and I still can’t get over her. Yes, it helps when Ally keeps me busy with work; all the promotions, book signings and stuff, but it’s just prolonging the inevitable. The fact that no matter what I do and wherever I go, I still love her. That I am still hung up on my broken heart because of her.

What does it feel like to be broken hearted? I tried to put into words what it feels like: It feels like someone stabbed your heart with an eyeliner pencil fifty times, then stepped on it forty nine times with an eight-inch sassy red heels, blended it forty eight times like a Starbuck Latte Macchiato, deep-fried it in a one hundred and one degrees boiling French fries oil, dropped it from a ninety-nine story skyscraper and abandoned it in the road to be run over by a sixteen-wheeler Iron Mountain truck. The worst part is its still beating, limply, only to painfully and deeply feel everything it went through. Maybe it would have been better if our hearts just gave up beating, but it just won’t damn stop.

Therefore it can be concluded that the human heart is stubborn. It still helplessly and hopelessly struggles to be whole after all the brokenness.

What does it take to move on?

I don’t know. And I don’t know how.

Maybe I’ll just keep loving you.

I felt very sad. I felt like there should be the two of us standing here.

And with all these festivities happening around me, I can’t help but compare you into a firework show. Because you are. After you gave me all these sparks and fuzzy feelings, you’ll end with a BANG. Then you’re nowhere to be found. Leaving all these dusts and smoke that left me with a coughing fit. But it’s okay, you brightened up my dark life, you’ve given colors to my black and white monotonous life.

Even though it’s only for a short period of time.

~

It’s been 2 days since New Year’s Eve and my family will be joining me here in Boston for some holiday break. I can’t deny it, I’m excited to see them after almost 7 months.

They’ll be here by tomorrow, so until then I’ll have to keep myself busy.

Ally is helping me with something I’ve written. She’s proof reading some chapters that I’ve written due to sleepless nights.

“Hey Ally, have you ever had your heart broken?”

Ally looked up from what she’s reading and raised her eyebrows. She must’ve connected the dots already. Just from the book title, it’s obvious on what I’m talking about.

_The book of goodbye_

But I don’t know, I’m thinking of changing it.

“A lot of times.” She snapped me out of my internal monologue. Which is happening a lot lately.

“How?”

“Well for instance, heartbreak is not just about love. It’s also about disappointments. Disappointment to yourself, on others, and believe me, I’ve been disappointed for so many times. But I’m assuming you’re talking about the love thing? Ally looked at me.

I nodded from where I was sitting.

“Well, yes, and it hurts the most when you know that that person is meant for you but time is against you.”

She can somewhat relate to that.

“What happened?” I asked softly, it’s the first time I’ve seen Ally really pulled up in sadness. She looked broken. Like me.

“He got involved into an accident.”

I noticed the emotions in her voice. Not wanting to pry much about the older girl’s life, she asked her a question.

“Is he… Is he okay now?” I asked, almost hesitant.

She looked up at me again from what she’s reading and gave me a tight lipped smile.

“I’m sure he’s okay where he is now.”

I felt bad for Ally for going through that. But I admire her strength. It shows that you can pick yourself together even when things fall apart.

“Is he a good guy?” I asked her after a few moments of silence.

“Troy?” Ally smiled a bit, almost reminiscing. She snapped out from her thoughts and  looked at me again. “He was.”

She continued what she’s talking about earlier like she didn’t just told me something sad.

“So heartbreak? Yeah… I’ve had my heart broken.” She looked down at my work again. Proof-reading it. “That’s the problem about heartbreak… To you, it’s like an atomic bomb, and to the world, it’s just really cliché.”

After that serious moment Ally went back to her normal cheerful old self.

I wonder on how she do it.

“By the way, Dinah called. She said you better answer your phone or she’ll personally go here and kick your ass.” She told me in an amused manner.

I better get to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i'm sorry this is short. but for the next chapter i promise it will be 8k words again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is my first time posting my own story here.... and I just want to say thank you for taking the time on reading this, it’s actually pretty long. I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistakes or something. Blame it to my insomnia, and also English is not my first language so feel free to point it out to me and I'll edit it later on. :)
> 
> And also please tell me if you want longer chapters or something because personally it will range to about 8k words like this one and it will take longer time to write.
> 
> Suggestions to how the story goes is always welcome :) (But I do have the initial plot on how it goes)
> 
> Thank you again for reading this, it is very much appreciated.  
> -A xx


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